Keep calm

ProSoccerTalk’s weekly Panic Quotient

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ProSoccerTalk’s weekly soccer Panic Quotient (®) expands its reach this week, now taking the temperature of stress and distress in the streets of Major League Soccer and along the boulevards of U.S. Soccer.

Los  Angeles Galaxy: Every time you think the champs have banged their head on the gravel at rock bottom, those doggone fellows slip and crack their noggin in a new place. I cannot see that Bruce Arena’s job is really in danger – but that’s what I said about Bob Bradley about this time last year, too. None of this can be good at all for David Beckham’s chances at a Team Great Britain post.

The Galaxy allowed 28 goals all of last year. They’ve already parted the back line seas for 21 this year. At this rate, they’ll round the 28-goal pole by mid-July, with three months of the season still to play.

And how about this for an open palm strike on the bridge of the nose: they went crashing out of the U.S. Open Cup on Tuesday night. Seriously, how long before the players pass “panic” and get to the point where they just want to push this season’s head under the water and get it over with?

Panic quotient: Ever been water boarded? That’s gotta be some serious panic.

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Major League Soccer: I do not buy the notion that the league suffers in any meaningful way in the soccer marketplace with the latest, notorious setback, be it a bombing out in CONCAFAC Champions League or a whitewash of upsets in U.S. Open Cup play like last night’s. These things never amount to some financial Waterloo or some grand PR moment of truth. MLS fans feel bad for a moment, and then we go back to arguing whether Landon Donovan is best out wide or running the inside channels on the national team.

On the other hand, MLS clubs cannot collectively feel good about seeing losses to lower tier teams in seven of 14 Open Cup matches last night. It does drive home the point that rosters still fall off the cliff, depth wise, once past the top 12-14 names. In reflective moments, the power suits at MLS will get a little indigestion over this one.

Panic quotient: You’re dog tired, hung over, wearing a mustard-stained t-shirt and generally look like you just got dragged a few blocks behind a garbage truck. And that’s about when you see your ex, looking fit and awesome, waving happily and about to come over to say howdy.

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Robbie Rogers, Sacha Kljestan, Benny Feilhaber, Edson Buddle, Teal Bunbury: The U.S train has left the station. The party is raging as the express motors down the tracks – and these five lads are stuck in traffic, still trying to get to the station. Bunbury and Rogers are young enough to climb aboard at some future stop on the tracks. Maybe. It’s a little tougher for Kljestan and Feilhaber, although they are just a hair older. Given the rise of Terrence Boyd and pressure being applied by others strikers who are actually striking, Buddle’s international days may be numbered.

Panic quotient: IRS letter in the mail. One of them thick ones.

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Me: I had to fill out my MLS All-Star ballot yesterday. (An early ballot to help arrange the broader ballot.) Panic much, me? Pretty much, yeah. We were assigned to select six players from all 19 MLS clubs.

So here’s the thing, most teams fell neatly into one of two categories. 1) Find six worthy All-Star nominations from this bunch of mutts? I can’t find two – much less six! 2) What do you mean I can only pick six? I can’t borrow a couple from Toronto, pretty please? I’m sure they won’t mind.

Yeah, not easy.

Panic quotient: Ever have that dream where you’re suddenly back in college, you haven’t been around to study but you’ve got a ginormous exam coming up, with absolutely zero chance of getting things figured out in time? I still do. And I wake  up in a foggy funk of panic every time.

Manchester United said to be offering $12 million bonus to Zlatan Ibrahimovic

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - APRIL 12:  Zlatan Ibrahimovic of Paris Saint-Germain beats Eliaquim Mangala (20) and Joe Hart of Manchester City to score, but his goal is disallowed during the UEFA Champions League quarter final second leg match between Manchester City FC and Paris Saint-Germain at the Etihad Stadium on April 12, 2016 in Manchester, United Kingdom.  (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)
Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images
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The Premier League sometimes seems to deal in funny money, and it might take just that to bring Zlatan Ibrahimovic across the English Channel.

The Swedish superstar, 34, is leaving Paris Saint-Germain this summer and is reportedly being targeted by several Premier League clubs.

[ MORE: LVG issues statement ]

With his old pal Jose Mourinho expected to take over at Manchester United, there’s been a natural batch of gossip linking the pair. Goal.com has claims of extraordinary dollar signs for the trophy-collecting Ibrahimovic.

Goal’s French site claims that Ibrahimovic would get close to a $12 million signing bonus to go with a huge weekly salary of approximately $363,000. Add that up, and you’re talking more than $560,000 a week.

The report spreads rumors of a $400,000-per-week offer from Major League Soccer for Zlatan, and that acquisition would certainly quell the minor storm caused by China’s acquisition of many big names.

We’ve always thought Ibrahimovic was more an Arsenal-style player, but imagine Mourinho running the Swede with Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford? Bonkers.

Ajax hires Peter Bosz as new coach to replace Frank de Boer

SOUTHAMPTON, ENGLAND - JULY 30:  Peter Bosz manager of Vitesse looks on ahead of the UEFA Europa League Third Qualifying Round 1st Leg match between Southampton and Vitesse at St Mary's Stadium on July 30, 2015 in Southampton, England.  (Photo by Jordan Mansfield/Getty Images)
Photo by Jordan Mansfield/Getty Images
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AMSTERDAM (AP) Ajax has signed Peter Bosz as its new coach, replacing Frank de Boer who announced earlier this month he was leaving the club after nearly six years in which he won four Dutch league titles.

Bosz, a former player and technical director at Ajax’s arch rival Feyenoord, is leaving Maccabi Tel Aviv to join the Amsterdam club on a three-year contract.

[ MORE: USMNT-Ecuador preview | Klinsmann eyes semis ]

In a statement late Tuesday, Bosz says it is an honor to join Ajax. He says, “I am very ambitious and so is Ajax.”

Ajax director Edwin van der Sar says that in Bosz, Ajax has hired a coach “who can make our talented squad even better.”

Ajax finished second behind PSV Eindhoven in the top flight Eredivisie season that has just ended.

WATCH: Neymar caught a bit offguard in first look at his wax figure

MADRID, SPAIN - MAY 22:  Neymar of FC Barcelona celebrates aftr scoring Barcelona's 2nd goal during the Copa del Rey Final between Barcelona and Sevilla at Vicente Calderon Stadium    on May 22, 2016 in Madrid, Spain.  (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images)
Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images
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I remember the first time I saw the first of many life size wax replications of my body.

That is a sentence I am unlikely to ever utter, but Neymar is a different story.

[ MORE: USMNT-Ecuador preview | Klinsmann eyes semis ]

The 24-year-old Brazilian superstar was caught on camera witnessing his wax figure for the first time, and we can watch it thanks to FC Barcelona.

Look at this guy, looking at that guy. The most interesting part for me is his fascination with how well they did with his tattoos, which of course are easier to duplicate than, you know, a face:

Morris “completely respects” Klinsmann’s keeping him off USMNT roster

SEATTLE, WA - APRIL 20:  Seattle Sounders FC forward Jordan Morris speaks on stage during We Day at KeyArena on April 20, 2016 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Mat Hayward/Getty Images for We Day)
Photo by Mat Hayward/Getty Images for We Day
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Seattle Sounders striker and USMNT star-in-waiting Jordan Morris struck a mature note when asked about his exclusion from Jurgen Klinsmann’s 23-man roster for this summer’s Copa America Centenario.

Some will have considered the youngster a lock for the roster, with Morris already boasting rarefied air as a college player to become something close to a national team regular while still in school.

[ MORE: USMNT-Ecuador preview | Klinsmann eyes semis ]

But Klinsmann opted for in-form San Jose striker Chris Wondolowski, and it has become old hat for MLS players to gripe when their name is not called by the German boss (See: Benny Feilhaber, Brad Evans and Landon Donovan).

Don’t count Morris in that group. Of course the youngster doesn’t have the tenure to rally against the man who gave him his shot in the first place, but that hasn’t stopped others from acting entitled to a roster spot.

From MLSSoccer.com:

“[Klinsmann] told me not take it too hard and that there was a lot of competition,” Morris said. “I completely respect his decision. There were a lot of good forwards playing and they’re all playing really well. I wish those guys all the best. It’s going to be a lot of fun to watch this summer.”

Morris can still end up on the roster through injury, and it’s easy to see him as the next name up should an attack-minded player take a knock. Stefan Frei told us last week that Morris is remarkably professional, and this is no exception.

The youngster did admit increased motivation from his omission, stating that “it gives you fuel to your fire to try and get back in the mix a little bit”. We have a feeling he won’t be out of that mix for long.