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Snap judgments: Quick reaction to UEFA Champions League Wednesday

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All that’s left is fine tuning, with Wednesday’s UEFA Champions League action clarifying which eight teams from Groups A through D will advance to the tournament’s knockout round (even if we still don’t know who’ll claim first in Groups A and B). After five matchdays, only three spots in Champions League’s Round of 16 remain up for grabs.

Here’s the quick rundown of Wednesday’s results:

Group A

Porto 3-0 Dinamo Zagreb (20′ Gonzalez, 67′ Moutinho, 85′ Varela)
Dynamo Kyiv 0-2 Paris Saint-Germain (45′, 52′ Lavezzi)

I supposed I expected a little more drama in Ukraine, but the end result’s the same.

Dynamo coach Oleh Bolkhin gave his seem an implicit ultimatum, that if the team didn’t turn things around, it could be shaken up come January. That didn’t mean win. It just meant play better, and today they did not, proving how difficult it is to get apathetic players to start caring.

On a more positive note, Pocho Lavezzi’s a real thing. He moved to Paris from Naples under the assumption, but to this point, he’s been disappointing. Not so today. The Argentine international’s two goals helped Carlo Ancelotti’s side move on from their weekend malfeasance.

Standings: Porto 13 pts, PSG 12, Dynamo 4, Dinamo 0

Group B

Arsenal 2-0 Montpellier (49′ Wilshere, 63′ Podolski)
Schalke 1-0 Olympiacos (75′ Fuchs)

Like Group A, Group B’s top two were settled on Wednesday, and like Group A, we still don’t know the order of the top two.

With their wins, Schalke and Arsenal are through to the knockout round, but they’re also through with each other, meaning we won’t see a final day showdown like we will between PSG and Porto.

Schalke almost gave up the group lead, though it wasn’t their fault. They battered Olympiacos for most of the match yet were nearly forced to settle for a 0-0 draw. After 61 percent passing ratio edge (a.k.a., Opta possession) and a 27-7 shots advantage, the only thing that separated the teams was a fluke. Olympiacos goalkeeper Roy Carroll was apparently shielded on a 30-yard shot from Christian Fuchs, the Schalke defender winning the game in the 75th minute.

Standings: Schalke 11, Arsenal 10, Olympiacos 6, Montpellier 1

Group C

Zenit 2-2 Málaga (8′ Buonanotte, 9′ Fernandez, 49′ Danny, 86′ Faizulin)
Anderlecht 1-3 Milan (47′ El-Shaarawy, 71′ Mexes, 78′ De Sutter, 90′ Pato)

Max Allegri was right to tip Pato to come through on Wednesday, but the bigger stories surround Milan’s other two goal scorers. El-Shaarawy continues his amazing season, scoring his 12th goal in all-competitions.

Philippe Mexes, however, stole the show. In the 78th minute, with his back to goal 18 yards out, Mexes trapped a ball with his chest before looping a bicycle kick over goalkeeper Silvio Proto’s head and into the right of Anderlecht’s goal.

In the day’s early game, Zenit got off to a horrible start then seemed to realize their tournament was on the line. They came back to draw a mostly second-choice Malaga side (who gave U.S. international Oguchi Onyewu a start), not enough to keep the rich Russians in the tournament.

Standings: Málaga 11, Milan 8, Zenit 4, Anderlecht 4

Group D

Manchester City 1-1 Real Madrid (10′ Benzema, 73′ Agüero)
Ajax 1-4 Borussia Dortmund (8′ Reus, 36′ Götze, 41′, 67′ Lewandowski, 86′ Hoesen)

Despite the draw, it was a bad day for Manchester City. Their loss means they’ll need to win at Dortmund just to qualify for Europa League. And in Amsterdam, BVB was embarrassing an Ajax team that took four points from the English champions. At least the Citizens took a point from Real Madrid, though they needed the official intervention (awarding a late penalty kick) to get that.

On a more positive note, look at Dortmund’s three scorers. Average age: 22.3 years old. The three helped BVB clinch first place.

Standings: Borussia Dortmund 11, Real Madrid 8, Ajax 4, Manchester City 3

Roberto Martinez linked to Atlanta United gig by Taylor Twellman

SUNDERLAND, ENGLAND - MAY 11:  Roberto Martinez, manager of Everton gives instructions during the Barclays Premier League match between Sunderland and Everton at the Stadium of Light on May 11, 2016 in Sunderland, England.  (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)
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When news of Sigi Schmid’s departure from Seattle broke, there were plenty of folks wondering who could be the second coach in the Sounders’ MLS history.

One of those doing so publicly was ESPN writer Marc Connolly, who asked whether former Wigan and Everton boss Roberto Martinez could be interested in the gig.

[ MORE: Sounders, Schmid part ways ]

Fellow media member Taylor Twellman is obviously well-connected, and his reply raised some eyebrows, especially given the news that technical director Carlos Bocanegra is closing in on selecting the first manager in Atlanta United history.

Ryan is the quarterback of the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons, for those unaware. Martinez and Twellman worked together for ESPN this summer.

Is Martinez to MLS really a thing? He’s also been linked to the vacant Hull City job, and would be one of the highest profile coaches to make the switch in the history of the league.

Premier League preseason: Everton, Burnley win; Spurs fall to Juventus

MILTON KEYNES, ENGLAND - JULY 26:  Muhamed Besic of Everton celebrates after scoring the third goal during the pre-season friendly match between MK Dons and Everton at Stadium mk on July 26, 2016 in Milton Keynes, England.  (Photo by Alex Morton/Getty Images)
Photo by Alex Morton/Getty Images
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Four Premier League teams were in action on Tuesday, with two picking up wins and not a clean sheet in the joint.

[ MORE: Sounders, Schmid part ways ]

MK Dons 1-3 Everton

Ronald Koeman‘s men got goals from Gerard Deulofeu, Ross Barkley and Muhamed Besic, but wasn’t entirely pleased with every facet of their game.

From EvertonFC.com:

“The team, the players, we need to press better. The pitch in some stages of the game was too long. If you press up front, it means the midfielders they need to push up as well and it’s the same for the defenders.”

Bolton 1-2 Burnley

Andre Gray will likely be a well-known Premier League entity when his career is done, and the way he’s playing it could be by the time this season is complete. The Burnley man scored for the fifth time in four preseason games, and Josh Ginnelly also scored for the Clarets.

Barnsley 2-2 Hull City

Adama Diomande and Jarrod Bowen scored as the Tigers stayed unbeaten in preseason play.

Spurs 1-2 Juventus — RECAP

WATCH: “A little bit awkward” — Golf prodigy teaches Neymar to swing

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For every benefit of being ultra rich and even more famous, there’s are downsides, and here’s one of them.

Most of us learned to golf with just our parents, friends or older siblings watching us embarrass ourselves.

Neymar took his first hacks on video for the whole world to see.

[ MORE: Everton to land Gueye? ]

Was it as bad as his first baseball swings? We’ll let you make the call.

The girl who “taught” Neymar before and during the filming of the video is a 16-year-old Spanish golfer named Agueda Cortilla Mas.

Here’s how she described the encounter to the Irish Examiner, adding that Neymar was ready for another lesson:

“He never played golf before so it was a little bit awkward starting the lesson. But after the first few shots he started joking around, playing soccer with the golf ball and all that. After we finished recording he came over to my dad and thanked him for what I did because he knew it wasn’t easy.”

“Afterwards, I was going to my changing room and his manager asked me for my phone number. He told me that Neymar enjoyed the lesson and that he wanted to do more. The next day they called me but I couldn’t answer because I was in school.”

What other Olympic sports are on the horizon for Neymar? Could we see archery, water polo, or diving?

MLS All Star Game preview: Zelalem, Xhaka will play; Kaka the MLS captain

PARIS, FRANCE - JUNE 25:  Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is seen in the stand prior to the UEFA EURO 2016 round of 16 match between Wales and Northern Ireland at Parc des Princes on June 25, 2016 in Paris, France.  (Photo by Matthias Hangst/Getty Images)
Photo by Matthias Hangst/Getty Images
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Fans tuning into the MLS All Star Game on Thursday will get a look at USMNT prospect Gedion Zelalem and new Arsenal star Granit Xhaka.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger confirmed the news Tuesday as he met the media along with Petr Cech and Jack Wilshere ahead of Thursday’s 7:30 p.m. ET kickoff at Avaya Stadium in San Jose, California.

How much they’ll play is unknown, just that Zelalem will be in the lineup and Xhaka will “play a part”.

[ MORE: Everton to land Gueye? ]

Earlier, Major League Soccer announced that Kaka will captain the side, and that FC Dallas midfielder Kellyn Acosta and L.A. Galaxy back Jelle Van Damme have been added to the roster to replace Matt Besler and plan for the possible absence of Liam Ridgewell.

MLS has won the last two All Star Games, and the last two against Premier League competition.


Arsenal

Goalkeepers: Petr Cech, David Ospina, Emiliano Martinez

Defenders: Hector Bellerin, Krystian Bielik, Calum Chambers, Mathieu Debuchy, Kieran Gibbs, Rob Holding, Nacho Monreal

Midfielders: Santi Cazorla, Francis Coquelin, Mohamed Elneny, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Jeff Reine-Adelaide, Chris Willock, Jack Wilshere, Granit Xhaka, Gedion Zelalem

Forwards: Chuba Akpom, Joel Campbell, Alex Iwobi, Theo Walcott


MLS All Stars

GOALKEEPERS: David Bingham (San Jose Earthquakes), Andre Blake (Philadelphia Union)

Defenders: Kellyn Acosta (FC Dallas), Steve Birnbaum (D.C. United), Laurent Ciman (Montreal Impact), Andrew Farrell (New England Revolution), Liam Ridgewell (Portland Timbers), Keegan Rosenberry (Philadelphia Union), Jelle Van Damme (LA Galaxy), Brandon Vincent (Chicago Fire), Kendall Waston (Vancouver Whitecaps FC)

Midfielders: Kyle Beckerman (Real Salt Lake), Mauro Diaz (FC Dallas), Giovani dos Santos (LA Galaxy), Jermaine Jones (Colorado Rapids), Kaká (Orlando City SC), Sacha Kljestan (New York Red Bulls), Darlington Nagbe (Portland Timbers), Andrea Pirlo (New York City FC), Wil Trapp (Columbus Crew SC)

Forwards: Clint Dempsey (Seattle Sounders FC), Didier Drogba (Montreal Impact), Sebastian Giovinco (Toronto FC), Cyle Larin (Orlando City SC), Ignacio Piatti (Montreal Impact), David Villa (New York City FC), Chris Wondolowski (San Jose Earthquakes)