Juninho Pernambucano (L) of Brazilian Va

Lyon, YouTube legend Juninho Pernambucano linked with New York Red Bulls

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This might not be on Major League Soccer’s Christmas list, but it would make a heck of a stocking stuffer.

A rumor reported (in Portuguese) has former Lyon icon Juninho Pernambucano landing in Harrison next season, with his former head coach at Lyonnais, Red Bull’s Head of Global Soccer Gerard Houllier, eager to bring the free kick master to Major League Soccer.

And when I say free kick master, I mean congratulations, your life just changed forever:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL1bK34mPjQ]

I don’t know which one I like more. The one where Oliver Kahn almost impales himself on the right post? The slow-mo capture of the shot with almost zero spin (literally)? Or the 112 goals from 40 yards out into the upper corners? (Don’t bother counting. I’m right.)

The guy makes Beckham look like a potser.

Currently with Vasco de Gama in Brazil, the 37-year-old has been rumored to be leaving the Rio-based club. Officials at Vasco say they won’t let him leave to another club in Brazil. Given the Houllier connection, New York seems as logical a place as … well, almost any other club in the world. This is, after all, just a rumor.

The thing about Juninho, at this point in his career, is that he doesn’t go much else, and in a league where fitness, athleticism, strength, and industry are staples in every team, the central midfielder will likely see his contributions mitigated in open play.

There’s also the little matter of New York having three Designated Players on the books. Until they pass off Rafa Marquez’s millstone, Juninho can’t come.

Add in the fact that New York doesn’t even have a coach and the frequent use of big MLS markets as leverage in contract negotiations, there isn’t much cause for optimism. Sorry, friends. Christmas may never come.

Still, if Stoke City midfielder Charlie Adam’s corner kicks are worth £13 million alone (as Sir Alex Ferguson once said, presumably with a straight face), Juninho is at least worth some kind of Designated Player deal. If Beckham’s still a plus-contributor for the Galaxy, Juninho can be one for New York.

Southampton: Van Dijk won’t leave, selling days likely done

SOUTHAMPTON, ENGLAND - MARCH 29:  Ralph Krueger the Southampton Chairman looks on during the Barclays Premier League match between Southampton and Newcastle United at St Mary's Stadium on March 29, 2014 in Southampton, England.  (Photo by Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)
Photo by Richard Heathcote/Getty Images
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Ralph Krueger doesn’t plan on selling any more big Southampton stars, and there’s none brighter than Virgil Van Dijk.

The Dutchman is perhaps the best center back in the Premier League, regularly linked with transfers to anywhere from Manchester City to Liverpool.

[ MORE: Liverpool hires new CEO ]

But Krueger says Saints have had enough of selling big assets. Southampton has sold Adam Lallana, Dejan Lovren, Sadio Mane, and Nathaniel Clyne in the past three seasons, and those are just the names to go to Liverpool. Morgan Schneiderlin and Victor Wanyama have also moved on from St. Mary’s.

From Sky Sports:

“We would like to move away from that and we feel confident this summer will be a lot quieter in Southampton and we can keep the core of this team moving forward for a few years.

“That is going to be important when you see how excellent the group is right now and how exciting the football is. The game we are playing is a pleasure to watch and a pleasure to be part of.”

Saints were the more effective side in a 3-2 EFL Cup Final loss to Manchester United this weekend, but are well off the pace in the race to make back-to-back trips into Europe.

It will be hard to hold onto Van Dijk and even new bright light Manolo Gabbiadini without Europe, but Krueger is a strong leader with the ability to convince almost anyone to buy into a plan.

Real Salt Lake signs Plata to multi-year DP deal

Real Salt Lake forward Joao Plata (8) gestures while walking during an MLS soccer game against New York City FC Saturday, May 23, 2015, in Sandy, Utah. (Leah Hogsten/The Salt Lake Tribune via AP) DESERET NEWS OUT; LOCAL TELEVISION OUT; MAGS OUT
Leah Hogsten/The Salt Lake Tribune via AP
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SANDY, Utah (AP) Real Salt Lake has re-signed forward Joao Plata to a multi-year contract and he will continue to hold a designated-player spot.

The 24-year-old was acquired from Toronto FC before the 2013 season and he has 30 goals and 30 assists in regular-season play with RSL.

[ MORE: Liverpool flops vs LCFC ]

Plata ranks No. 3 on the team’s all-time assists list and No. 5 in goals. He has 33 goals and 35 assists during his MLS career.

Real Salt Lake begins the season Saturday when it hosts Toronto FC.

Gotze out indefinitely with metabolism disorder

ROTTERDAM, NETHERLANDS - NOVEMBER 06:  Mario Goetze (R) and Ann-Kathrin Broemmel attend the MTV Europe Music Awards 2016 on November 6, 2016 in Rotterdam, Netherlands.  (Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images for MTV)
Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images for MTV
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Mario Gotze’s last few seasons have not fulfilled the expectations thrust about the World Cup-winning attacker.

Gotze, 24, scored the 113th minute goal that lifted Germany past Argentina in the 2014 World Cup, but has endured successive disappointing seasons between Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund.

[ MORE: Liverpool hires new CEO ]

With just two goals this season, Gotze has played just 24 minutes since BVB came back from winter break. On Monday, the club revealed why: a metabolism disorder that will keep him out for an indefinite period of time. From Sky Sports:

“We are glad to know the reasons for Mario’s complaints and we are convinced that after recovering he will give us extra quality with his exceptional abilities,” said Dortmund’s director of sport Michael Zorc.

“Mario gets the full backing and maximum support from all of us at Borussia Dortmund on his way back.”

It’s been a while since we’ve seen Gotze at his best, and here’s hoping this problem is both curable and the reason for his struggles.

Liverpool hires EA Sports executive as new CEO

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Liverpool has named Peter Moore as the successor to chief executive office Ian Ayre.

Ayre, 53, is off to 1860 Munich this summer, and has stepped down early to allow Moore to take over.

[ MORE: Liverpool flops vs LCFC ]

A Liverpool-born executive, Moore was the chief operating officer at EA Sports and has also worked with Microsoft and SEGA.

The move “completes a transitional phase” which saw several new names join the fray. From The Liverpool Echo:

The appointment completes a transition plan by FSG which included appointing Michael Edwards as sporting director while Billy Hogan was promoted to the role of managing director and chief commercial officer.