Chelsea's Torres heads his goal past Aston Villa Guzlan during their English Premier League soccer match in London

Holy Eight-Spot! Chelsea’s 8-0 day at the races vs. Villa

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You got the feeling even Chelsea felt a little bad for the visitors by the end of this one, among the worst shellackings in Premier League history as the suddenly resplendent Blues roared in an 8-0 win over in-shock Aston Villa.

Chelsea really was in dazzling form, abetted surely by a young Aston Villa team that simply could not find its balance after conceding right away; Fernando Torres’ sensational header came just two minutes after kickoff.

By the time American goalkeeper Brad Guzan picked the ball from his net for the final time, Chelsea had zoomed from seventh to third place in the table – and still with a game in hand over the field due to that recent trip in Japan for the FIFA Club World Cup.

This was just the fifth time a Premier League team has won by eight or more goals, and it could have been even worse but for some of Guzan’s good work in goal. Yes, Guzan managed to the nearly impossible, having a “respectable” day in terms of skillful saves while allowing a hideous eight-spot.

(MORE: Narratives invert after Chelsea routs Aston Villa)

How The Guardian described it: “The goals plundered at will as Villa wilted. Such riotous victory will serve to spur on this side. Manchester United are still 11 points clear but Chelsea, risen from seventh back to third, boast a game in hand and an injection of form. They were irrepressible, an eight-goal margin hardly flattering.”

Other talking points here:

  • Was Guzan at fault on any of the eight? Not really, although the final shot blew by him suspiciously close. Another one came on a rebound the American ‘keeper left in a bad place, but it was off a point-blank shot that he did well to save in the first place.
  • He saved one of two Chelsea penalty kicks, so there’s that.
  • Guzan wasn’t the only American on the bad side of this lopsided crusher; U.S. defender Eric Lichaj was also in the Villa starting XI.
  • Seven different men scored for Chelsea. The last team to have as many scorers in a top-flight game in England: Liverpool, with eight men to find goal in a 9-0 win over Crystal Palace back in 1989.
  • Aston Villa has played in 3,936 top-flight games, yet this is the first time to have conceded eight goals. (Thanks to Opta Sports for those two little statistical gems.)
  • It’s not like Villa was reeling before this one. Paul Lambert’s young side was unbeaten in six straight coming into West London on Sunday.

MLS Snapshot: Orlando City SC 2-1 Montreal Impact

Cyle Larin, Orlando City SC

The game in 100 words (or less): For weeks, it was a widely held belief that the Montreal Impact would snatch up the sixth and final playoff place in the Eastern Conference with little or no resistance from their opposition. As they went six games unbeaten (four wins), all looked to be setting up perfect for the club that fired Frank Klopas midseason, but there was another team in the race for sixth that kept winning themselves: Orlando City SC. On Saturday night, Montreal and Orlando City faced off at the Citrus, with the expansion Lions claiming their fourth-straight victory with a 2-1 triumph. Montreal now holds a one-point lead on Orlando in the race for sixth, and have two games in hand, but it’s no longer a foregone conclusion L’Impact will qualify for the playoffs no resistance whatsoever.

[ MORE: | Week 30 TOTW | POTW ]

Three moments that mattered

33′ — Bush’s mistake gifts Larin the opening goal — Larin did what your taught to do as a striker — “put it on frame, test the goalkeeper” — but in no universe does a shot so feeble have any business finding the back of the net. Evan Bush has been great this year. Hopefully (for Montreal’s sake), this howler doesn’t turn into the yips with the playoffs looming.

43′ — Hall’s “mistake” gifts Oduro an equalizer — Dominic Oduro equalized in the 43rd minute, when he took the ball out of the hands of Tally Hall and smashed it into the back of the net, but the goal should have been disallowed due to Hall having full control of the ball.

80′ — Hines hits the winner for Orlando — Seb Hines put the ball back into the mixer and just so happened to find the back of the net in the 80th minute. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

[ FOLLOW: All of PST’s MLS coverageStandings | Stats | Schedule ]

Man of the match: Seb Hines

Goalscorers: Larin (33′), Oduro (43′), Hines (80′)

MLS Snapshot: NY Red Bulls 2-1 Columbus Crew SC

Bradley Wright-Phillips, New York Red Bulls
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The game in 100 words (or less): Two weeks in a row Columbus Crew SC have had a chance to go top of the Eastern Conference with a victory, and two weeks in a row Crew SC have failed to take a single point from massively important fixtures. Their latest defeat, a 2-1 humbling at the hands of the East-leading New York Red Bulls, started so well for Gregg Berhalter’s side, but was undone by a pair of costly, comedic defensive errors that allowed Lloyd Sam and Bradley Wright-Phillips (15th of the season) to erase an early deficit (Justin Meram) and win all three points. The result not only keeps the Red Bulls top of the East, but gives them a three- and four-point cushion with three and two games in hand on their nearest competitors., D.C. United and New England Revoltion respectively. For Crew SC, they’re four points back of the Red Bulls in fourth place, one point ahead of fifth-place Toronto FC, who have a game in hand.

[ MORE: | Week 30 TOTW | POTW ]

Three moments that mattered

9′ — Meram pokes it past Robles for an early lead — Meram “earned” his goal all the way back in midfield, when the Iraqi international’s mazy run took a routine turnover inside Crew SC’s defensive half and turned it into a dangerous counter-attacking opportunity. Harrison Afful overlapped and provided the cross for Meram to send home.

12′ — Sam capitalizes on multiple mistakes to equalize — Crew SC pass the ball out of the back. They don’t boot it forward to clear. It’s just what they do. Sometimes, that’ll bite you. When your goalkeeper and right back both have blunders clearing the ball 10 seconds apart, you probably deserve to concede an ugly, scrappy goal.

21′ — Wright-Phillips capitalizes on more defensive gaffes — See the above description for Red Bulls goal no. 1.

[ FOLLOW: All of PST’s MLS coverageStandings | Stats | Schedule ]

Man of the match: Damien Perrinelle

Goalscorers: Meram (9′), Sam (12′), Wright-Phillips (21′)