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Chris Rolfe’s offseason withdrawals regimen


As everybody left Los Angeles last month after the Galaxy claimed their second-straight MLS Cup, it seemed like the realities of the shortest offseason in MLS history was upon us. No matter how much you love Major League Soccer, odds are you need a break, but a seven-week offseason before training camps started left little time for a reprieve.

Yet here we are, still more than a week out from when players will start reporting, and the itch is starting to return. You get a schedule, you start seeing some rumors come to fruition, and you want to see your teams in action.

Welcome to MLS withdrawals, a condition that leads most of us to spend excessive time on Twitter debating hypothetical scenarios that will prove inconsequential when we get our real life soccer back.

In Chicago, they have a very specific strain of the disease: #CF97Withdrawals. The symptoms are the same, but as attacker Chris Rolfe shows us (below), the treatments are much different.

Putting himself into a state of hibernation (dressed to resume play at a moment’s notice), Rolfe has got his withdrawals regimen down to the science:l

1. Go to sleep

2. Wake up.

3. Ask: Has the season started?

If YES, you’re ready to go. Great wardrobe choice!
If NO, return to step 1.

First kick’s less than two months away. Something tells me Chris Rolfe will be well-rested:

Twitter reacts to Jamie Vardy’s Premier League history-making goal

LEICESTER, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 28:  Jamie Vardy of Leicester City celebrates scoring his team's first goal during the Barclays Premier League match between Leicester City and Manchester United at The King Power Stadium on November 28, 2015 in Leicester, England.  (Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)
Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images
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The Internet exploded at around 12:50 p.m. ET on Saturday after Jamie Vardy — yes, Jamie Vardy — broke Ruud van Nistelrooy’s Premier League record for most consecutive games with a goal.

[ WATCH: The goal | The game — Leicester City vs. Manchester United ]

Yes, an Englishman is back atop the charts. An Englishman who was playing for Stocksbridge Park Steels, Halifax Town and Fleetwood Town before heading to Leicester.

He’s perhaps the reminder, as Rio Ferdinand Tweeted below, that the most unlikely of scenarios is still not impossible.

Well done @vardy7! You're number one now and you deserved it. #11inarow.

A photo posted by Ruud van Nistelrooy (@rvnistelrooy) on

VIDEO: Vardy sets Premier League record, scores in 11-straight games

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He did it. He actually did it.

Jamie Vardy made Premier League history on Saturday, scoring for the 11th consecutive game to become the first player in history to achieve that magnificent feat.

[ MORE: Twitter reacts to Vardy ]

Tied with Manchester United legend Ruud van Nistelrooy heading into Leicester’s clash against United on Saturday, it took Vardy just 24 minutes to set the new record as Christian Fuchs played a delicate ball in-behind United’s defense and Vardy did the rest.

[ MORE: Can Vardy, Leicester achieve unthinkable? ]

Watch the video below to see the King Power Stadium erupt as a truly memorable moment arrived.

Now, the next record for Vardy to break is from the 1931-32 English top-flight season, before the PL was formed. Sheffield United’s Jimmy Dunne scored in 12-straight games way back then.

Congratulations Mr. Vardy for making PL history.

WATCH: Insane finish as Everton, Bournemouth trade stoppage time goals

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This was an all-timer.

Bournemouth came back from a 2-0 halftime deficit only to watch Ross Barkley hand Everton a one-goal lead with a score in the final minute of stoppage time.

[ MATCH RECAP: Bournemouth 3-3 Everton ]

But after fans were cleared from the field, Junior Stanislas provided the dramatic answer for Bournemouth to force a 3-3 draw at Dean Court.

Pardew: “I don’t want to say a lot about” Newcastle after thumping his old employer

LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 08:  Alan Pardew, Manager of Crystal Palace celebrates towards the fans following the Barclays Premier League match between Liverpool and Crystal Palace at Anfield on November 8, 2015 in Liverpool, England.  (Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images)
Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images
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Crystal Palace boss Alan Pardew tried hard not to throw shade on his former side, or at least put in a post-match press conference that choked down his passive aggression.

The Eagles thumped Newcastle United 5-1 on Saturday at Selhurst Park behind braces from Yannick Bolasie and James McArthur, as well as a tally from Wilfried Zaha.

[ MATCH RECAP: Crystal Palace 5-1 Newcastle United ]

And the former Newcastle boss held back, mostly, from further embarrassing his old side, instead heralding the starring role of former Sunderland forward Connor Wickham, who put in a Team of the Week performance despite not scoring himself.

“We caused problems everywhere,” Pardew said. “Connor Wickham gave a centre forward’s performance we always hoped he would. We were irresistible today.”

“We are sixth in the division because we are a good team, it was not about the opposition today. I have a lot of friends and family at Newcastle but I don’t want to say a lot about them because I get criticised whatever I say.”

Newcastle, for its part, was mostly useless after scoring early on a classy chip pass from Daryl Janmaat to Papiss Cisse. Could Steve McClaren be fired after just 14 games in charge? Newcastle’s 19th place status says it wouldn’t be unfair.

And after losing to Sunderland last week, Pardew doubled-down on his status as a Newcastle plague in the Northeast.