Keep calm

ProSoccerTalk’s Panic Quotient

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ProSoccerTalk’s periodic Panic Quotient (®) takes the temperature of stress and distress in the streets of Major League Soccer and along the boulevards of the global game.

This one is an all-manager edition:

  • New York Red Bulls manager Mike Petke:

So many people are cheering for the rookie head coach, mostly because he is so quintessentially “New York Red Bull.” But something will eventually have to give. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But the pressure is certainly mounting with just eight points from eight games for the league’s highest payroll, plus an amount of goals surrendered (11) that we will label “concerning.”

Speaking of “adding pressure,” Red Bull Soccer global sporting director Gerard Houllier was there last night to watch a 1-0 loss to Sporting Kansas City, a loss that included Juninho’s late, mad moment. Presumably, Houllier heard the boos begin to careen around the ground. And speaking of the Harrison facility, the club has just four of a possible nine points at home, with just two goals scored.

Panic quotient = moderate, along  the lines of …: In-laws renovating their place, announce they will be coming for a stay. A fairly long stay.

  • Seattle Sounders manager Sigi Schmid:

The only mitigating factor as we consider Seattle’s listless start is this: Schmid’s team has played just five games so far, fewer than any other team. So there’s time to pull this winless, hapless cart out of the ditch. Question is, can they?

As this piece of panic-related content points out, no MLS playoff team in 2011 or 2012 began with five consecutive winless matches.

There is also some hope in getting the club’s top pair of strikers healthy, Eddie Johnson and Obafemi Martins. Because at present this team just cannot score. Either way, the slow start will build on mounting organizational frustration regarding the club’s lack of ability to make any progress in the MLS playoffs. And when organizational frustration mounts, we know where the blame goes initially.

Panic quotient = moderate high, along the line of …:   Backyard BBQ catches on fire. In strong winds.

  • Chicago Fire manager Frank Klopas:

Just when it looked like things might get a little better, this? Word is that defender Arne Friedrich (practically wearing a Superman’s cape these days, the way everyone seems to be waiting around for the German vet to come rescue this wandering lot) may be out even longer than first feared.

Klopas’ men, second from the bottom in the East, have three of a possible nine points at home this year, making the weekend’s contest at Toyota Park against Columbus fairly critical.

Panic quotient = high, along the lines of …: Test results are back. Doc wants you to come in as soon as possible to talk over things in person. “Don’t you worry … we’re going to beat this thing!”

VIDEO: T&T women’s team gives away one of the most bizarre PKs

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Play until you hear the referee’s whistle. In theory, so simple. In practice, it only takes a single second of concentration lapse to become an internet sensation for all the wrong reasons.

[ FOLLOW: All of PST’s USWNT coverage ]

Such is life for Karyn Forbes, member of the Trinidad and Tobago women’s national soccer team. In the above video, you’ll observe Forbes, a 24-year-old midfielder, giving away perhaps the most bizarre penalty kick you’ll ever see. You’ll have to watch for yourself to believe it.

[ MORE: USWNT opens Olympic qualifying with 5-0 victory ]

Unfortunately for Forbes, though the whole of the ball might have crossed the whole of the end line, the referee did not blow her whistle… not until Forbes picked the ball up with her hands and carried it to her goalkeeper.

Bundesliga to go ahead with video replay tests over two years

FILE - In this Saturday, Dec. 8, 2012, file photo, a Hawk-Eye camera is set up at Toyota stadium in Toyota. For the first time at a World Cup, technology will be used to determine whether a ball crosses the goal line during matches at the upcoming tournament in Brazil. With vanishing spray also being used to prevent encroachment by defenders making up a wall during free kicks, officials at the highest level of the world’s most popular sport are finally getting some assistance. (AP Photo/Shuji Kajiyama)
AP Photo/Shuji Kajiyama
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BERLIN (AP) The German Football League (DFL) has given the go-ahead for the possible testing of video replays in the Bundesliga over a two-year pilot phase.

[ FOLLOW: PST’s Bundesliga coverage ]

The DFL says it will be lodging an application with FIFA to take part if the pilot phase is approved by the International Football Association Board at its next annual general meeting on March 5.

The DFL says video replays could be used by a “team of impartial match officials for the purpose of avoiding any evidently incorrect decisions” and that the pilot phase would be preceded by “intensive preparations.”

[ MORE: 17-year-old American MF Pulisic gets Bundesliga debut for Dortmund ]

These would include the settlement of costs among FIFA, the IFAB, the DFL and German football federation, as well as training for the candidates.

West Ham extend Payet’s contract in “enormous show of faith”

West Ham’s Dimitri Payet celebrates after scoring while soap bubbles are blown during the English Premier League soccer match between West Ham and Newcastle at Boleyn Ground in London, Monday, Sept. 14, 2015.(AP Photo/Frank Augstein)
AP Photo/Frank Augstein
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West Ham United hope Dimitri Payet is going absolutely nowhere after the club announced on Thursday the 28-year-old Frenchman has signed a contract extension through the summer of 2021.

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Payet’s current contract was scheduled to keep him at the Premier League club through the summer of 2020, but a series of standout performances (6 goals, 4 assists so far this season, mostly during the season’s opening three months) and rumors of interest from “bigger” clubs meant tacking on another year — and plenty more cash — was the best way to keep Payet in east London for the foreseeable future. The club confirmed earlier this week that negotiations over an extension were underway.

“He’s the best player I’ve signed in 25 years,” said West Ham co-owner David Sullivan. “He’s a [$43 million] player. He’s a supreme footballer. He makes every player in our side play better. On his day, he’s world class, he’s unstoppable.”

Payet, who’s been at West Ham just eight months after signing last summer, could still depart in the summer should he finish the current season strong and/or show up and show out at the European Championship, which kicks off in June. In that event, West Ham would now bag a much heftier transfer fee than they would have done prior to the extension.

VIDEO: Dele Alli’s magnificent juggling goal recreated in hand-drawn crayon

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Remember that Dele Alli goal? No, not that one… that one. Of course you remember it. How could you not?

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How often does a player receive the ball out of the air, flick it over his head, spin 180 degrees and hit an inch-perfect volley from 20 yards out to secure all three points for his team? The answer is, of course, not very often.

[ MORE: Top 5 Premier League storylines — Sunday’s top-four battle royal

Thus, a goal such as Alli’s stunning winner against Crystal Palace last month has been, and will continue to be, immortalized through numerous recreations in this Digital Age. Above is Alli’s goal recreated in hand-drawn crayon.