Victor Valdes

Five MLS club who could surely use Victor Valdes

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Beating the transfer rumor monster is simply not possible. Not for a mere mortal journalist, at least.

So, we may as well have a little fun with it. Perhaps you’ve heard that Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdes is pimping himself for a new address. Joe Prince-Wright wrote about it earlier today at PST.

All the usual caveats apply here. Remember, what most internationals mean when they say “MLS” is New York, L.A. or Seattle, a.k.a. the teams known to pay for top talent. And some of these guys simply aren’t up to speed on the economics, meaning they fail to understand that only a select few foreign bright lights can truly rake it the green on MLS shores.

Most “rumored MLS men” couldn’t even tell you what the acronym stands for and will never play here. But, again, none of this matters the second these guys say “MLS” and this stuff ignites in the media spin cycle.

So … I’ll take Joe’s previous PST post one step further and give you the fivesome of MLS clubs that could most use a figure like Valdes. (They are listed alphabetically.)

Colorado – No offense to rookie Clint Irwin, but Valdes has approximately 100,000 more hours of top level experience, or something like that.

D.C. United – Yes, Bill Hamid is a fine, young goalkeeping prospect. But let’s not pretend like all the wobbles in goal from the 22-year-old ‘keeper have not contributed to the Black and Red’s awful season.

Los Angeles Galaxy – Let’s not sugar coat it: Carlo Cudicini has been a disappointment. Halfway through the season, he’s not “still adjusting” and he’s not “getting his form,” he just isn’t quite cutting it. For best chances of a championship defense, Bruce Arena’s team needs to improve at this spot.

New York – I keep hearing that Ryan Meara will provide great competition for Luis Robles when he gets healthy. In fact, I wrote that myself – last February! Poor Meara just cannot seem to get there. Meanwhile, Robles is a mixed bag at best.

Vancouver – Between Joe Cannon and Brad Knighton (and even Jay Nolly before that) the organization just cannot make up its mind. And you know what that means: they need a lock-solid No. 1 around BC Place.

WATCH: Pulisic sends cross to Schurrle to equalize with Madrid

Real Madrid's Luka Modric, left, and Dortmund's Christian Pulisic challenge for the ball during the Champions League group F soccer match between Borussia Dortmund and Real Madrid in Dortmund, Germany, Tuesday, Sept. 27, 2016. (AP Photo/Martin Meissner)
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Borussia Dortmund substitute and USMNT phenom Christian Pulisic subbed into Tuesday’s UEFA Champions League match versus Real Madrid and made a difference.

Given 17 minutes to work, Pulisic needed about 10. The 18-year-old American sent in a cross that Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang couldn’t volley but fell to another BVB player.

[ MORE: Big Sam canned ]

That was Andre Schurrle, and the ex-Wolfsburg and Chelsea man lashed a shot behind Navas to make it 2-2 at the Westfalenstadion.

Pulisic does well here, real well, and had a chance to make it 2-2 himself that was smothered by Navas.

England, Twitter reacts to Allardyce debacle: “Angry, sad, staggered”

COLCHESTER, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 06:  Sam Allardyce manager of England looks during the European Under 21 Qualifier match between England U21 V Norway U21 at Colchester Community Stadium on September 6, 2016 in Colchester, England.  (Photo by Warren Little/Getty Images)
Photo by Warren Little/Getty Images
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A 67-day reign as a national team blown up by allegations of corruption? We’ve seen similar situations in world soccer, but certainly not at a high-profile, traditional headline-grabber like the England national team.

[ MORE: Big Sam canned ]

English legend Alan Shearer called the Three Lions a “laughing stock”, adding that, “I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m staggered at the misjudgement from a guy who admitted this was his dream job.”

 

AT HALF: Leicester leads, Spurs level, BVB-Real square at 1 (video)

LEICESTER, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 27:  Islam Slimani of Leicester City and Felipe of FC Porto watch the ball during the UEFA Champions League Group G match between Leicester City FC and FC Porto at The King Power Stadium on September 27, 2016 in Leicester, England.  (Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)
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The UEFA Champions League’s group stage hits its second round of matches Tuesday, with two Premier League teams in play and a bevy of big names from outside England.

[ MORE: Dempsey out for 2016 ]

Leicester City 1-0 Porto

The chemistry between Algeria and now Leicester City teammates Riyad Mahrez and Islam Slimani is very real.

The former fed the latter for an opening goal on Tuesday in UEFA Champions League play at King Power Stadium, as the Foxes have opened up a 1-0 lead on Porto.

You can imagine the visitors aren’t too pleased with having to meet up with Slimani, who they just managed to see out of their league only to watch him arrive in their UCL group.

And how about the mad dabbing kid shown just after Slimani’s celebration? Wild nights in Leicester.

CSKA Moscow 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur

Spurs are controlling the play, but have yet to find a goal in Russia.

Dinamo Zagreb 0-2 Juventus

Gonzalo Higuain and Miralem Pjanic have the goals for The Old Lady.

Borussia Dortmund 1-1 Real Madrid

Cristiano Ronaldo got on the scoresheet, though the hosts have been by far the more dangerous side. USMNT teenager Christian Pulisic is on the bench for BVB.

Thomas Tuchel’s side threatened to score through a Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang rocketed a shot just over the frame, and the Gabonese man made it 1-1 soon after when Keylor Navas punched Raphael Guerriero’s free kick off Raphael Varane. Aubameyang touched it over the line for an academic marker.

Here’s Ronaldo’s goal:

Elsewhere

Sevilla 0-0 Lyon
Monaco 0-0 Bayer Leverkusen
Copenhagen 0-0 Club Brugge
Sporting CP 2-0 Legia Warsaw

Sounders, USMNT star Clint Dempsey ruled out for remainder of 2016

SEATTLE, WA - NOVEMBER 30:  Clint Dempsey #2 of the Seattle Sounders FC celebrates after scoring a goal against the Los Angeles Galaxy during the Western Conference Final at CenturyLink Field on November 30, 2014 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images
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The Seattle Sounders may yet make a playoff appearance, but it will be without Clint Dempsey.

The USMNT star recently returned to training with the team after dealing with an irregular heartbeat.

[ MORE: Big Sam canned ]

Sounders general manager Garth Lagerway made the announcement on Tuesday.

From SoundersFC.com:

“If we prioritize this now, hopefully we can get Dempsey back in 2017.”

That does not seem to bode well for his participation with the United States men’s national team, which has October friendlies with Cuba and New Zealand before the first two matches of the final round of CONCACAF World Cup qualifying in November.

Fortunately for the Sounders, both Jordan Morris and Nicolas Lodeiro have their upped their games in his absence, and Andreas Ivanschitz has been decent as well.

Seattle is five points back of fifth place Sporting KC, and three back of sixth place Portland. The Sounders have played two less matches than both sides.