UEFA Champions League roundup: Celtic and Lyon stunned, Zenit wins big

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Easily the most shocking result of Tuesday’s UEFA Champions League playoff matches was Kazakhstani side Shakhter Karagandy’s 2-0 home win over Scottish powerhouse Celtic FC. Elsewhere, Real Sociedad defeated Lyon in France, and Zenit St. Petersburg scored its first goal (and win) in the competition in Portugal.

Shakhter Karagandy 2-0 Celtic

In the early kickoff, Andrei Finonchenko and Sergei Khizhnichenko scored for the home side to record the upset of the playoff round so far. Kazakhstan has never had a team in the Champions League group stage, but holding a two-goal advantage in Glasgow will be difficult, especially against a team that knows something about upsets, having defeated FC Barcelona in last year’s edition of the competition.

Paços de Ferreira 1-4 Zenit St. Petersburg

Russian international Roman Shirokov recorded a hat trick for Zenit to beat Paços 4-1. The away team never took its foot off the gas, but it never really got out of third gear in an easy victory. Andrey Arshavin and Anatoliy Tymoshchuk played only small roles, coming off the bench, and the Russian powerhouse left Hulk at home.

Viktoria Plzeň 3-1 NK Maribor

Marián Čišovský scored in the eighth minute for Plzeň, tying him for the goalscoring lead in the 2013 tournament with Shirokov, who scored a hat trick on the same day. The home team went up 2-0 before Maribor’s Aleš Mejač pulled one back, leaving the result in doubt until Michal Ďuriš sealed it in the 89th minute for the Czechs.

Olympique Lyonnais 0-2 Real Sociedad

Haris Seferović and Antoine Griezmann produced Goal of the Year candidates within the same 90 minutes to sink Lyon. Griezmann hit a stunning overhead kick from the top of the penalty area in the 17th minute, and Seferović followed up with a thunderous volley on a bouncing ball from the left flank in the 50th. (Watch the full video highlights here.)

PSV Eindhoven 1-1 AC Milan

In the most evenly contested game of the evening, Stephan El Shaarawy headed Milan in front in the first quarter of an hour, but Tim Matavž evened it up on the hour mark to make the second leg in Italy next week more interesting. The home side had more opportunities to score, but AC Milan goalkeeper Christian Abbiati was equal to the task to keep his team in the match.

Wednesday’s games (all 2:45 p.m. ET kickoffs): Dinamo Zagreb vs. Austria Wien, Schalke vs. PAOK, Ludogorets Razgrad vs. FC Basel, Steaua Bucharest vs. Legia Warsaw, Fenerbahçe vs. Arsenal

Spanish FF fines Valencia for bottle toss; Chastises Barcelona

VALENCIA, SPAIN - OCTOBER 22:  FC Barcelona are hit by objects thrown from the seats after Lionel Messi of FC Barcelona scores his team's third goal from the penalty spot during the La Liga match between Valencia CF and FC Barcelona at Mestalla stadium on October 22, 2016 in Valencia, Spain.  (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images)
Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images
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Spain’s football federation has fined Valencia about $1600 for the water bottle tossed at celebrating Barcelona players on Saturday.

It’s also criticized Barca’s reaction to Neymar being hit with the water bottle.

[ MORE: Watch the incident here ]

Lionel Messi in particular flipped out at fans, who were furious after Barca scored a match-winning penalty and celebrated near the touch line.

From the BBC:

Spain’s football federation criticised the Barca players for their “exaggerated reaction” and for celebrating in front of home fans, but added “nothing justified” the reaction of the Valencia supporters.

There’s an easy joke to make about playacting/diving here, as Luis Suarez hits the deck despite not appearing to be hit.

But it’s critical to remember that these players at the moment don’t have any idea what’s happened, only that they’ve been hit. And Suarez is covering head, perhaps wondering what’s coming next. Neymar laying on the pitch for a while seems a bit overboard, but I don’t blame Messi nor his teammates for being furious with the supporters.

What do you make of it?

Mourinho admits missing family, but don’t be misled by “disaster” talk

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 02:  Ander Herrera of Manchester United (L) speaks to Jose Mourinho, Manager of Manchester United (C) after the final whistle during the Premier League match between Manchester United and Stoke City at Old Trafford on October 2, 2016 in Manchester, England.  (Photo by Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)
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Don’t be misled by the headlines screaming out “disaster”; If this is the beginning of the end for Jose Mourinho at Manchester United, it has nothing to do with his speaking of his time in Manchester.

If you haven’t seen the headlines yet, you will. Mourinho says that life at United has been challenging and, yes, he uses the word disaster.

[ MORE: Chalobah’s double nutmeg ]

But he’s talking about being under the personal microscope, paparazzi and the like. And he’s talking about missing his family. Because, believe it or not, the man is a human being (at least we’re pretty sure).

“I just want to cross the bridge and go to a restaurant. I can’t, so it’s really bad,” Mourinho told Sky Sports.

“For me it’s a bit of a disaster because I want sometimes to walk a little bit and I can’t.”

That last line isn’t talking about tactics, title ambitions, or even the 4-0 loss to Chelsea. True story.

Mourinho’s comments regarding his life at Manchester are interesting and newsworthy, but allow us to go behind the curtain here. The media world is driven by monetization in the form of clicks and time spent on site.

Trumpeting the term “disaster” is tricky. Yes, there are seeds of discontent in Mourinho’s Manchester concerns — and credit to you for clicking through and reading what them in full — but let this thing play out, no? There’s a derby in town today.

WATCH: Chelsea’s Chalobah nutmegs two Manchester United players in seconds

LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 23:  Nathaniel Chalobah of Chelsea is closed down by Paul Pogba of Manchester United during the Premier League match between Chelsea and Manchester United at Stamford Bridge on October 23, 2016 in London, England.  (Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)
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For the first time since the 2011-12 season, Nathaniel Chalobah is not on loan and getting the chance to show what he can do for Chelsea.

At the very least, the 21-year-old midfielder has given the club a viral video.

[ MORE: Manchester Derby “a final” ]

Chelsea uploaded a video of Chalobah going double nutmeg on Manchester United’s Anthony Martial and Ander Herrera.

Given the opposition, it’s gone quite well to the tune of several hundred thousand views inside of four hours.

Watch the ex-Watford, Nottingham Forest, Middlesbrough, Burnley, Reading, and Napoli man go.

BVB boss Tuchel not worried about Real Madrid links

SHENZHEN, CHINA - JULY 27:  Thomas Tuchel, head coach of Dortmund looks on during team training session for 2016 International Champions Cup match between Manchester City and Borussia Dortmund at Shenzhen Universiade Stadium on July 27, 2016 in Shenzhen, China.  (Photo by Lintao Zhang/Getty Images)
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Less than five months have passed since Real Madrid won the Champions League final, yet in Florentino Perez’s mind that’s a lifetime. ()

Real’s president is anything but patient with managers, the latest example being Carlo Ancelotti. The Italian was fired a year after winning the club’s long-desired Decima and losing a whopping 19 of 119 matches in charge.

[ MORE: Manchester Derby “a final” ]

So even though Real Madrid leads La Liga under Zinedine Zidane and won the UCL last season, people are always imagining the future.

Borussia Dortmund boss Thomas Tuchel’s style of play has captured the imaginations of so many supporters. And with BVB president Hans-Joachim Watzke claiming that Real is tracking the German, the questions are heading for Tuchel.

From Goal.com:

“It’s dangerous if you are flattered as a coach.You lose focus on the important things. I read it as a rumour before our game in Ingolstadt and so I already said back then that it’s dangerous to admit it and to think about it because it takes on too much importance.”

There’s no reason for Tuchel to have to ask those questions. Perez has called Zidane’s appointment one of his proudest moments, and that was just three days ago. Even in Perez’s world, that’s only a solid month, maybe two. %tags%