AC Milan v PSV Eindhoven - UEFA Champions League Play-offs: Second Leg

UEFA Champions League roundup: Milan tosses PSV aside; Lyon out; Celtic dramatically through

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PSV were supposed to be a significant test for Milan, and at times during today’s first half, the possession the Dutch runners-up held hinted they could knock the Italian giants out of Champions League. Unfortunately, the final score ended as you might have predicted when an Italian side faces a Dutch team in Europe. Despite some engaging skill from PSV’s enviable young talent, they were relegated to Europa League after today’s 3-0 loss at the San Siro, the 4-1 aggregate costing them a chance at Champions League’s group stage.

Last week’s 1-1 in Eindhoven already put Phillip Cocu’s club in a difficult situation, requiring them to get a result out of Italy. After eight minutes, their situation got worse, with a Kevin Prince Boateng blast from outside the penalty area eluding Jeroen Zoet, sneaking inside the right post to make it 2-1. Boateng added a second after half time, adding to Mario Balotelli’s 55th minute goal from Stephan El Shaarawy to give Milan their three-goal win.

The final score was deceiving, though, as the numerous tests PSV put on Christian Abbiati would have landed them on the scoresheet most nights. But it’s always a bit disingenuous to separate a goalkeeping performance from a team’s overall quality. Abbiati is, after all, a well-tenured Rossoneri player – a vice-captain, even. Better to note that a performance like today’s hints PSV’s draw may have been an unlucky one. Had they gone up against one of the other “seeded” teams, Cocu’s team would have been more likely to go through.

Instead, Milan joins Juventus and Napoli as Serie A’s representatives in group stage, though the playoff round’s other third place teams were unable to up their leagues’ allotments. Both Lyon (France) and Paços de Ferreira (Portugal) will play in Europa League, each on the wrong side of lopsided aggregates:

Real Sociedad 2-0 (4-0) Lyon

The ease with which La Real took a two-goal win out of Stade de Gerland was one of the first legs’ more surprising results, given OL’s strong start in France. But Spain’s fourth place finishers took a commanding lead in their road leg, leaving them only to hold out at home to qualify for the full competition.

Initially, it seem as if they were going to merely hold out, with Lyon controlling much of the early play before Sociedad came into the match. In the second half, La Real asserted themselves, got a double from Mexican not-so-international Carlos Vela, are cruised to a surprisingly easy 4-0 win.

Zenit St. Petersburg 4-2 (8-3) Paços de Ferriera

Paços were always over their head in this one, and after losing 4-1 last week in Portugal, the Beavers were already practically eliminated. Today Portuguese international Danny had two goals by the 48th minute, giving Russia’s runners-up a 6-1 lead. Goals by Manuel José and Carlão balanced tallies from Aleksandr Bukharov and Andrei Arshavin over the final 24 minutes, putting Luciano Spalletti’s team into group stage.

Celtic 3-0 (3-2) Shakhter Karagandy

The Kazakhstani club was unknown in Western Europe before being drawn against the Celtic, but after taking a two-goal win from their tie’s first leg, their sheep-sacrificing ways became well-known throughout the British Isles. Jokes about Celtic manager Neil Lennon hiding all the sheep in Scotland, preventing his visitors from completing their pre-match, good luck ritual, made light of the tradition, but given the Hoops’ big turnaround, perhaps Lennon was successful.

Kris Commons pulled the first back from 25 yards out just before halftime, with Greece international Georgios Samaras equalizing in the 48th. Tied 2-2 and seemingly headed for extra time, Shakhter were shockingly shown out of the competition when James Forrest scored in the second minute of stoppage time, sending the Scottish champions through.

Maribor 0-1 (1-4) Viktoria Plzen

Maribor’s hopes of turning around their two-goal deficit were squelched in the third minute, with Stanislav Tecl’s early goal not only pushing the Czechs to a three-goal lead but also canceling out the Slovenians’ road goal. The current Czech league-leaders return to Champions League’s group stage after a one-year absence, having qualified for Europa League with a third place finish in 2011-12.

Joe Hart, Torino down Roma 3-1 in early Serie A game

BERGAMO, ITALY - SEPTEMBER 11:  Goalkeeper of FC Torino Joe Hart gestures during the Serie a match between Atalanta BC and FC Torino at Stadio Atleti Azzurri d'Italia on September 11, 2016 in Bergamo, Italy.  (Photo by Pier Marco Tacca/Getty Images)
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In today’s early Serie A game, Joe Hart and Torino held down Roma to win 3-1 at Stadio Olimpico to move into the top half of the table.

Roma dominated the stat sheets, holding 69% possession and out-passing Torino 466-174, but were wasteful in front of net, only able to put just five of their 21 their shots on target.

Andrea Belotti scored just eight minutes in to put Torino ahead, and Iago Falque bagged a brace with goals 13 minutes apart in the second half to seal it. For all its possession and movement in the attacking half, Roma could only manage a goal on a penalty, scored by Francesco Totti, his 250th career goal, all coming for one club.

Manchester City loanee Joe Hart commanded a solid performance by Torino’s back line, with the home side managing a whopping 22 tackles and 33 clearances. Roma actually out-performed Torino on the expected goals front, proving Hart’s influence.

The win, the club’s first since late August, pushes Torino up to eight in the Serie A table on eight points. They have conceded just a single goal – the Totti penalty – in their last three matches. It’s a far cry from the 2-1 loss to Atalanta in Hart’s debut, in which a mistake by the England international allowed Atalanta to score the winning goal.

On the other side, Arsenal loanee Wojciech Szczesny made a mistake to gift Torino their early goal. The result for Roma is a big blow to their hopes at challenging for the title, dropping them five points back of leaders Juventus and four behind Napoli.

Championship match features nightmarish halftime shenanigans

DERBY, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 24: Nigel Pearson, manager of Derby County looks on during the Sky Bet Championship match between Derby County and Blackburn Rovers at iPro Stadium on September 24, 2016 in Derby, England. (Photo by Nathan Stirk/Getty Images)
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On Saturday, Derby County fell at home to Blackburn 2-1, with all three goals scored in a furious four-minute span midway through the second half.

It’s been a nightmare start to the season for both clubs, with the clubs in 20th and 22nd on a combined three wins.

That, however, was not the most disturbing thing on display at Pride Park Stadium. The halftime show featured a show with a character from a child’s bad dream. A man in a fish suit swallowed a person whole then spit him back out sans clothing. But don’t take our word for it:

Have fun sleeping tonight.

After a pair of La Liga draws, all is not well at Real Madrid

MADRID, SPAIN - SEPTEMBER 21: Cristiano Ronaldo of Real Madrid CF grimaces in pain during the La Liga match between Real Madrid CF and Villarreal CF at Santiago Bernabeu stadium on September 21, 2016 in Madrid, Spain. (Photo by Gonzalo Arroyo Moreno/Getty Images)
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It’s amazing how results go hand-in-hand with off the field mood for the top teams in the world.

There is no club where that seems to be more true than Real Madrid. The team has drawn two in a row, first a 1-1 finish against Villareal at the Bernabeu that saw Los Blancos pump out 23 shots, but put only six on target. Then, they drew 2-2 Saturday with this year’s darlings Las Palmas out on the Canary Islands, crumbling at the back by blowing a pair of leads.

All this still leaves them atop the La Liga table, a point above Barcelona, and yet the wheels appear to be coming loose.

Things always start with Cristiano Ronaldo at Real Madrid, and that was the case on Saturday, when the superstar was withdrawn by head coach Zinedine Zidane in the 74th minute, and appeared to be visibly upset with the decision. Zidane told media after the game he was looking ahead to Tuesday’s Champions League matchup with Borussia Dortmund, saying, “He [Ronaldo] always wants to play and be out there on the pitch, but I’ve also got to think about the player and he needed to rest and think about Tuesday.”

Ronaldo did not speak to the media following the match.

Always in his teammate’s shadow is Gareth Bale, but things aren’t going well for him either. According to a report by The Sun, Bale has increased security after his fiance’s family has reportedly been targeted for arson attacks by a drug gang. In addition, Bale is reportedly unhappy after being substituted himself in the 70th minute of the draw with Villareal, according to reports in Spain. There have been reports for a while that his agent is shopping the Welshman to top clubs like Manchester United.

“We’re relaxed,” Zidane said after the Las Palmas draw. “We are working hard and focused on what we’re doing. We have to realize that you can’t always win, but we’re on the right track.”

MLS Snapshot: San Jose Earthquakes 1-2 Sporting KC (video)

Sporting Kansas City forward Dom Dwyer, center, is congratulated by teammates, including midfielder Roger Espinoza (27), following his goal during the first half of an MLS soccer match against the Houston Dynamo in Kansas City, Kan., Saturday, Aug. 1, 2015. (AP Photo/Orlin Wagner)
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The game in 100 words (or less): Too many teams qualify for the MLS Cup Playoffs. There, I said it. Because MLS rules are written as such, two of Sporting Kansas City, Portland Timbers and Seattle Sounders will likely make it this year, and that’s two too many. On Saturday, the former most narrowly outplayed an even worse San Jose Earhthquakes side, to the tune of 2-1, to go fifth in the Western Conference and move eight points clear of the 7th-place Sounders. The worst part about the current playoff structure: one of the above mentioned sides will almost certainly get hot in the postseason, after doing very little over the course of 34 games to establish themselves as one of the league’s elite. You know, just like the Timbers did last year. Anyway, Dom Dwyer, Simon Dawkins and Kevin Ellis scored the goals on the night. Neither side is any good, nor should they be in the playoffs. That’s MLS.

[ MORE: Playoff Picture — 4 teams can clinch playoff berth this weekend ]

Three moments that mattered

7′ — Dwyer heads home for the early opener — The ball from Paulo Nagamura was inch-perfect, and the header by Dwyer was unstoppable.

42′ — Coelho whiffs, Dawkins makes it 1-1 — That’s just unlucky, if you’re Nuno Coelho.

81′ — Ellis bundles the corner kick home for 2-1 — A fitting winner to this game.

[ FOLLOW: All of PST’s MLS coverageStandings | Stats | Schedule ]

Man of the match: Tim Melia

Goalscorers: Dwyer (7′), Dawkins (42′), Ellis (81′)