D.C. United records watch; one step closer to dubious distinctions

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Ben Olsen made the right call Saturday, for sure, resting all his starters ahead of this week’s U.S. Open Cup final at Real Salt Lake.

Unfortunately the choice could also hasten D.C. United’s place toward history. Here is a quick look at those black marks that Olsen and Co. would surely prefer to avoid, some of the all-time worsts in league history — some of the sad benchmarks for MLS season-long futility:

(MORE: Resting its regular, United falls at Toronto FC)

  • Lowest winning percentage in a season

The 2001 Tampa Bay Mutiny finished with a wretched .185 winning percentage in the grim year before if went away (a 4-21-2 record). United’s current .150 percentage (3-21-6) is worse.

Uh, yeah. And the might need to win a couple to scoot by the league’s second lowest historic percentage yet; the 1999 MetroStars and 2005 Chivas USA was both at .219.

The good news is that three of United’s final four matches are at home. The bad news is that all three are against teams that are likely to be desperate for points; Chicago, Philadelphia and Houston all remain alive today in the playoff race.

Oh, United’s one road match is at Eastern Conference contender Sporting Kansas City. That’s hardly encouraging.

  • Fewest wins in a season

Again, the mark to beat belongs (in part) to that dismal 2001 Tampa Bay group, which won just four times. So did Chivas USA in 2005. (United, as noted in the record above, has three wins this year.)

  • Fewest wins on the road in a season

This one is in real jeopardy, although United will have plenty of company … and that is something, at least. Four clubs went an entire season without a road win. Vancouver, just two years back, was the most recent doing so. The 1999 Red Bulls never found a “W” on the road, either.

Not being able to field a competitive team in Toronto today really hurts here, because that’s one for which a full version may have had a shot, at least. Regardless, that coming match at Sporting Park on Oct. 18 is the Black and Red’s final opportunity. The team is 0-13-3 away from RFK Stadium (pictured above) currently.

  • Fewest goals in a season

Here’s one where United can surely get over the hump. With a goal on Saturday (a nice one at that), Olsen’s team has 20 this year. No, it’s not exactly the 98 Galaxy (85 goals, yo!), but the men of RFK need just two more to dodge further besmirch.

D.C. United’s 2010 team holds this particular dubious distinction with 21, back in the club’s previous, most woeful season.

So, four games to score two goals.

C’mon United! … You can do it!

  • Worst goal difference over a season

Uh, more bad news here. Because Saturday’s three-goal loss got Olsen’s sad bunch too close for comfort on this one.

The current miunus-32 goal difference is just four off record pace. Chivas USA in 2005 and Tampa Bay were both at minus-36 after their campaigns of misery. (By the way, the ‘keeper for that awful, first Chivas USA side … none other than current Aston Villa standout and U.S. international Brad Guzan. Just some trivia to lighten the mood; it is a bit dark in here, eh?)

Podolski goes out with super goal; Germany tops England

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The highlight of Wednesday’s international friendly docket was Lukas Podolski‘s final match for Germany, and the former Arsenal man did not disappoint his crowd.

But first, Canada plays its first match since unveiling new coach Octavio Zambrano.

[ MORE: Zlatan still bitter with Guardiola ]

Scotland 1-1 Canada

Zambrano saw plenty to like from his new side, as Canada went ahead early with a goal from former Scottish youth Fraser Aird. Toronto-born, the ex-Rangers and current Falkirk man got his first Canadian goal against the team he represented at U-17 and U-19 levels.

Norwich City’s Steven Naismith redirected Tom Cairney‘s shot to make it 1-1 before the break, but Scotland never found its way back into Canada’s net.

Germany 1-0 England

Lukas Podolski scored his 49th international goal in his final cap for Germany, and it was spectacular.

Joe Hart didn’t stand a chance.

The match saw big stops from both ‘keepers, as Hart thwarted Leroy Sane on a second half break after Marc-Andre Ter Stegen defied Dele Alli in the opening 45.

Podolski subbed off in the 84th minute to wild applause, but it must sting slightly to know you finished an illustrious career one goal short of a nice, round 50. We guess he’ll have to rest on his millions and millions of earnings and loads of on-field honors.

Elsewhere
Vietnam 1-1 Chinese Taipei
Philippines 0-0 Malaysia
Cyprus 3-1 Kazakhstan
Yemen 0-1 Palestine
Cambodia 2-3 India

McClean to wear No. 5 in honor of deceased ex-teammate

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James McClean is a colorful personality who doesn’t shy away from strong opinions — he once called Jurgen Klopp “a bit of an idiot” — and the West Brom man is using the big stage of World Cup qualifying to proudly honor a deceased ex-teammate.

McClean has long before friends with Derry City captain Ryan McBride, who shockingly died hours after leading his side to a league win this weekend. Given his age (27), few saw it coming even after McBride admitted to feeling ill after the match.

[ MORE: Zlatan still bitter with Guardiola ]

McBride and McClean played together at Derry, and the latter was excused from Republic of Ireland training to attend funeral services this week.

He’s still expected to play a role in Ireland’s World Cup qualifier against Wales on Friday, and McClean will don the No. 5 of McBride. Irish defender Richard Keogh usually wears the number and agreed to the change.

NASL side to broadcast all its matches on Twitter

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It’s fair to expect the San Francisco Deltas to be trendsetters in tech given their location and pedigree, and the first-year NASL club is doing just that.

The Deltas announced Wednesday that all of their home matches will be broadcast live on Twitter — in English, Spanish, and Portuguese — making them the first North American pro club to broadcast all of their matches on social media.

[ MORE: Zlatan still bitter with Guardiola ]

Twitter senior executive Josh McFarland had previously named as one of the investors in the Deltas, which makes the announcement even more natural. Other investors include tech execs from around the Silicon Valley.

Zlatan: Guardiola falling out “still drives me”

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Time heals all wounds, but Zlatan Ibrahimovic can still feel the scars from his falling out with Pep Guardiola.

The megawatt personalities saw their relationship deteriorate at Barcelona, with Ibrahimovic loaned to AC Milan one year after scoring 21 goals in 45 matches for Guardiola and the Blaugranas.

[ MORE: How will U.S. line up vs Honduras? ]

Ibrahimovic never played for Barca again, and now has a chance to stare down Man City’s Guardiola in a Manchester Derby which could alter the Top Four fortunes of both sides. And he’s still powered by Pep.

From The Guardian, quoting a Sky Sports Italia interview:

“The problem wasn’t with me, it was with him, and he never came to terms with it. I don’t know what his problem was with me. It is something that drives me, gives me adrenaline and extra motivation. It is normal after what has happened. I’m using it as a positive, not negative.”

United visits City at the Etihad Stadium on April 27, and Ibrahimovic will be extra motivated (if that’s possible for the Swede, who seemingly would be fired up to beat someone in arcade bubble hockey).