Major League Soccer weekend review: Round 32

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Landon Donovan sets a big record

Galaxy superstar Landon Donovan matched Jeff Cunningham’s all-time Major League Soccer scoring mark of 134 league goals. Donovan had two goals in Los Angeles’ 5-0 win over Chivas USA, and will share the all-time mark for now, and will have one or two matches (depending on availability around U.S. national team matches) to pull ahead and own the achievement by himself.

Here is the historic goal by Donovan, who may own every important scoring record in the land (MLS and for the national team) before it’s over.

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The Red Bulls qualify for playoffs

Mike Petke’s team became the first officially book a post-season berth – and what a wild way to get there. Tim Cahill’s dramatic header in the seventh minute of stoppage time was the punctuation mark on a match that went all kinds of crazy over the last quarter hour or so. Details of the wild 2-2 draw at Red Bull Arena are here.

The teams that are eliminated … or practically eliminated, at least

Columbus, Dallas, Vancouver and New England all left themselves on the brink of elimination by failing to pick up maximum weekend wins. None are officially eliminated, but all would need to win their remaining matches and, in some case, look for an improbable series of events to provide assistance. The current standings are here.

The big routs

An unusual number of unusually lopsided matches marked a weekend (in a league driven by parity). The rout was on early outside of Denver, where the Colorado Rapids owned a 4-0 lead after just 40 minutes against the Seattle Sounders. Seattle did find enough team pride to make a better second half of it, but the damage was done in a 5-1 clobbering. That was the Sounders’ worst MLS loss since joining the league.

A day later, just west of there, Los Angeles made similarly quick work of Chivas USA, pulling away early in a 5-0 win. Rookie Gyasi Zardes and Irish international Robbie Keane joined Donovan in creating all the offensive destruction.

Back on Friday night, Chicago began the weekend with a 3-0 win over D.C. United at RFK Stadium. Three-goal wins are exactly rare in MLS – but three goal margins on the road are pretty uncommon.

Another scoring record almost set

Speaking of the big whuppin’ at Dicks Sporting Goods Park outside Denver: Rapids rookie Deshorn Brown scored 14 seconds into the contest. That was the second fastest goal in league history; only Dwayne De Rosario, back in 2003, found goal faster. Is this the moment that gets Brown over the Rookie of the Year hump for good? He looks like the clear favorite now. Here is that goal:

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The unlikely hero in Philadelphia

Philadelphia Union attacker Kleberson had done absolutely nothing since joining the team early in the summer to justify his Designated Player status. But the Brazilian World Cup veteran did finally rise and score a huge goal Saturday, a precision free kick in stoppage time as John Hackworth’s team kept its playoff hopes alive with a 1-0 win over Toronto. The Union still has work ahead, but now has an inside track to the fifth and final spot out of the East.

The weekend’s top performance

Chicago’s big win over D.C. United may have looked all lopsided … but that’s only because Fire goalkeeper Sean Johnson turned in such an impressive performance. The visitors needed his nine saves, including some real gems, to eventually pull away from United.

Roma-Chelsea reports could see Dzeko, Batshuayi… and Sturridge on the move

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Here’s a wild rumor out of Italy, as Gianluca Di Marzio has UEFA Champions League Round of 16 sides Chelsea and Roma working out a big transfer.

[ MORE: PST chats with Dzeko in July ]

Again, before we lay it out, we know that both clubs would not be able to use Cup-tied players in the UCL and that gives the rumor its unrealistic bent.

Chelsea reportedly is willing to send $62 million and striker Michy Batshuayi on loan to Roma in exchange for Edin Dzeko and Emerson Palmeiri. Reports say Roma is holding out for another $20 million, potentially add-ons.

Dzeko isn’t producing at his otherworldly rate of last season, but is far and away i Lupi’s leading scorer and bagged a brace against Chelsea in the UCL. And Batshuayi scored in Chelsea’s first two matches of the tournament.

There is something to the rumor, at least in terms of Emerson. The London Evening Standard quotes the player’s agent as saying talks are ongoing and the move is a “dream” one for Emerson, who is behind Aleksandar Kolarov on the left back depth chart since returning from injury.

Roma would need a UCL-eligible center forward, as Czech youngster Patrik Schick has been unable to find his scoring boots since a summer move from Sampdoria. Football Italia says, sensationally, that Roma would use some of the money to pry Daniel Sturridge from Liverpool.

Maybe the Emerson move goes through, but the striker swap feels like a headscratcher for Dzeko and Chelsea.

Pardew the latest to scratch head at transfer fees

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West Bromwich Albion manager Alan Pardew is the latest to find himself baffled at the prices on the transfer market.

To be fair to the Englishman, 56, it doesn’t sound like he’s raving in ‘old man yelling at the sky’ fashion. Rather he thinks the numbers are hard for fans to gauge and perhaps it’s causing a disconnect.

[ VIDEO: Premier League highlights ]

And for him, at least, it’s a challenge to sort out whether the prices he’s being quoted are reasonable relative to the market. That makes sense, considering that as Newcastle boss in 2012 he sold Fraser Forster to Celtic for about $3 million and PSG bought Yohan Cabaye — then 28 — from him for $26 million.

Both fees would be a little different right now, we think (from the BBC).

“It’s difficult with the prices now to gauge what’s good value,” Pardew said. “We live in a hyper-inflated world because of the TV money received by the football clubs. Therefore, transfers and wages are going way out of kilter with real life. I think we’re all losing the plot with the figures. It’s just becoming, ‘Oh okay,’ and not even reacting to things any more.”

Now, to play devil’s advocate, if Pardew is actually just old man yelling at the sky, he’d better get out of the manager’s box. The fees aren’t changing for top clubs, which is why Jonny Evans is at risk from a Man City bid but not Newcastle United or Crystal Palace. And the TV money he talks about is going to allow clubs like WBA to hold onto players by offering better wages if they choose that route.

But it’s a fair sentiment regarding how to gauge these numbers. While it’s usually a bit laughable when fans and writers estimate whether clubs have paid too much or sold for too little, managers and administrators risk looking foolish if they agree too low or too high a fee relative to other teams.

Stanford’s Andi Sullivan is the No. 1 pick in NWSL draft

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The Washington Spirit have selected midfielder Andi Sullivan out of Stanford with the first pick in the National Women’s Soccer League draft on Thursday.

Stanford won the NCAA College Cup championship last season. Sullivan scored in the 3-2 Cardinal victory over UCLA. She also won the Mac Hermann Trophy for the nation’s best soccer player.

[ MORE: Top PL storylines — Week 24  ]

Sullivan has made seven appearances with the U.S. national team and has been called into January training camp as the team begins to prepare for World Cup qualifying in the fall.

The Spirit also had the third overall pick, which they used to select midfielder Rebecca Quinn out of Duke.

The Boston Breakers took forward Savannah McCaskill out of South Carolina with the No. 2 overall pick.

The day also featured a number of high-profile trades, including a deal between the Reign and the Royals that sent midfielder Diana Matheson to Utah in exchange for veteran defender Yael Averbuch.

Stoke City adds versatile Greek left-sided man on loan

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New Stoke City boss Paul Lambert is tasked with shoring up a defense which has been bottom half in goals allowed for several seasons, and has made his first move.

[ MORE: Top PL storylines — Week 24  ]

Kostas Stafylidis is a 24-year-old left-sided player with 22 Greek caps to his name, but he’s fallen out of favor at Bundesliga side Augsburg and managed just 31 minutes this season.

He’ll head on loan to the Potteries, where he’ll attempt to aid the leakiest side in the Premier League. Stoke’s 50 goals allowed are eight more than its closest competitor (Watford).

Stafylidis has played left back and left mid for club and country, though he had his most league success last season at left back. He scored four goals and was rated Augsburg’s best field player by WhoScored and its top player overall by Squawka.

And he wants to be there (from StokeCityfc.com):

“As soon as I heard I told my agent directly that I wanted this move,” he added. “I left it to him then, he spoke to the Club more, and then to the trainer and we all wanted to make this move happen. It is good for me, it is good for the Club to bring me here for five months and I am very happy about that.”