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Are you a football hipster? The Guardian lets you know.

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As we await the world football event of the day that is Arsenal v. Chelsea in the Capital One Cup, it’s worth taking 5 minutes to check out The Guardian’s new quiz which asks, ‘Are You A Football Hipster?

The quiz asks participants a series of 15 questions and awards one to four points based on the response, four being the most hipster.

The questions and answers are pretty hilarious. For example:

1. A friend is adamant that Manchester United’s deployment of Wayne Rooney as a false nine is hampering both the player and the team and that he should really be up there as a true 10. Your response is:

  • “Oh, don’t be ridiculous. If you’re going to move Rooney, you want him as a genuine trequartista with United employing inside-out wingers. And, anyway, the problem lies much deeper in their failure to control more than 55% of possession in any of their away games against teams who play a diamond in midfield.”
  • “Um … yeah. And did you see that ludicrous display last night? Thing about Arsenal is, they always try and walk it in.”
  • “Yeah – and if you moved him forward then Kagawa might get a game.”
  • Throw a pork scratching at him/her and storm to the bar

3. It’s a big midweek Champions League night. The curtains are drawn. The pizza has been ordered. The booze is in the fridge. But what are you going to watch?

  • Manchester United v Milan on ITV1
  • Athletic Bilbao v Shakhtar Donetsk on Sky Sports Red Button
  • Keflavik v Fylkir in the Icelandic first division on an internet streaming service (because Fylkir have been utilising an interesting variant of the double-pivot)
  • Chelsea v Viktoria Plovdiv on ITV4

10. For some reason you have bought yourself a goldfish. What do you call it?

  • Nemo
  • Gazza
  • Klopp
  • Lobanovsky

At the end of the quiz your hipsterdom is assessed by The Guardian, who concluded that I am nearly a ‘football hipster’, although apparently, I still have a way to go:

“You scored 43 out of a possible 60. Close but no cigar – YOU’RE A BIT OF A HIPSTER! You love a bit of tactical talk and wear your 1991-92 St Pauli away shirt with pride, but deep down there’s part of you who prefers a cavorting mess of a 4-3 to a well-disciplined 0-0. You heathen, you. Still, you’re well on your way to zen-like hipsterdom.”

All in all the quiz is a good time even if it flies in direct contravention of the fact that no real hipster would define himself as such. But I digress.

Take the quiz for yourself, right here.

Report: Atletico’s Fernando Torres has interest from MLS, NASL

Real Madrid v Atletico de Madrid - Copa del Rey: Round of 16
Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images
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Spanish outlet Marca claims that a number of North American sides are among the clubs chasing Fernando Torres.

The Spanish striker has only scored more than 11 goals once since 2009-10, and is uncapped since 2014. But that doesn’t mean clubs from China to to the U.S. and the UAE to Japan aren’t interested in the 31-year-old.

[ JPW: Recapping the top stories from an intense Premier League weekend ]

The Marca report claims three MLS teams are interested and also name drops the New York Cosmos of the NASL, who’ve recently brought Venezuelan legend Juan Arango on board.

It’s hard to imagine anyone outside the MLS rich sides taking a risk on Torres. Maybe Montreal would look to reunite him with Didier Drogba, and Torres certainly has experience combining with New York City’s David Villa. As for the third… Orlando City? Chicago?

Your guess is as good as ours, though it could be moot if this is solely about money. China continues to spend well.

Difficult fixture run looms as Aston Villa aims for great escape

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND - JANUARY 12:  Joleon Lescott of Aston Villa (3L) celebrates with team mates as he scores their first goal with a header during the Barclays Premier League match between Aston Villa and Crystal Palace at Villa Park on January 12, 2016 in Birmingham, England.  (Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)
Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images
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Gabriel Agbonlahor is riding high, as the Premier League Player of the Week broke his duck this weekend and is thinking “great escape” for his Aston Villa side.

Villa has eight points in its last five matches, doubling its season total to 16. That’s still table bottom, but Remi Garde’s bunch would love to see their way out of the drop zone after a brutal start to the season under Tim Sherwood.

What would it take for Villa to pull that off, and avoid the first Premier League relegation in club history?

[ MORE: Premier League Team of the Week ]

Turns out, a lot.

There is no easy match in the next five, and Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal are all on the schedule after that.

Villa next five matches
Feb. 14 – vs. Liverpool
Feb. 27 – at Stoke City
March 1 – vs. Everton
March 5 – at Manchester City
March 12 – vs. Spurs

The Villans do have three relegation six-pointers left, and two of those are at Villa Park with Bournemouth and Newcastle United. Villa also heads to Swansea City.

But Villa has to make up 12 points on the Cherries, 11 on Swans and eight on the Magpies. And while they are within two goals difference of Newcastle, they have eight goals to make up on Bournemouth and 11 to make up on Swansea.

That doesn’t include Sunderland and Norwich, sides four and seven points ahead of the Villans (though both have tricky runs left as well).

If Garde’s club is to make its escape, it will be close to unbelievable. That it will close with a match against Arsenal makes it even trickier, but that would be just the final impressive note in what could only be considered a Garde-conducted masterpiece.

VIDEO: Recapping the top stories from an intense Week 25 in the Premier League

JPW at Stamford Bridge
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What a weekend. Let’s relive it.

Round 25 of the Premier League provided plenty more thrills, shocks and excitement as two unlikely title contenders — Leicester City and Tottenham Hotspur — are pushing ahead.

[ VIDEO: Premier League highlights

Our own Joe Prince-Wright recaps all the major headlines from what could turn out to be a pivotal weekend in the Premier League title race.

[ MORE: Latest Premier League news

Click play on the video below to join JPW as he battles the elements and checks in from outside Stamford Bridge in London following Chelsea’s 1-1 draw with Manchester United.

WATCH: USMNT’s Gonzalez nets first for Pachuca, earns exuberant “Gol” call

Marouane Fellaini, ,Omar Gonzalez
AP Photo/Themba Hadebe
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Come for the goal, stay for the “Gol” call.

Or should we say the “Gol. Goool-Goool-Goool-Goool-Goool-Goool-Goool-Goool-Goool-Goool-Gol” call.

[ MORE: Angry Louis van Gaal rips journalists for “inventing” stories ]

USMNT defender Omar Gonzalez has opened his account for Pachuca with this 88th minute header, and it’s worth it if just for the auditory performance.

Gonzalez also pulls out the high-capacity weapon celebration, though he’s apparently opted to do the version closer to the “Scarface” finale (Spoiler alert).