“Hello you’ve reached the police, how can I help?”
“Yeah, could I speak to Sir Alex Ferguson, please?”
“Not by the 999 line, I’m afraid.”
So begins an entertaining, yet completely inappropriate, call to the GMP Manchester North after Manchester United’s loss to Sunderland in Thursday’s second leg of the Capital One Cup semi-finals. A supporter was so filled with alcohol disgust at the Red Devils performance that he needed to speak with Sir Alex Ferguson.
And what better way to get a hold of him than by dialing 999 (England’s version of 911)?
The Manchester Evening News has the audio here, and it’s might as well be a radio show’s comedy bit.
After the initial exchange of pleasantries, the caller goes on to ask for his hero again.
CALLER: “Sir Alex Ferguson… the result is all wrong. You have extra time and it was a total and utter load of rubbish.”
OPERATOR: “Sir, you’re actually on the 999 police line. Is there any crime you need to report to the police this evening?”
CALLER: “Yeah, a crime. I’ll report a crime.”
OPERATOR: “And what crime is that?”
CALLER: “The crime is that Manchester United, Manchester United, were absolutely knackered.”
Look, I’d be troubled, too, if I just watched my favorite team put on a show that could’ve been titled, “My First Penalty Kicks,” but I like to think that even a 100 bottles of single malt wouldn’t have me on the horn with the local emergency line (Seriously, the call is funny for the absurdity of it but I don’t need to hear about it happening in your town, despite what Chuck D. might proffer).
If you’re doubting the validity, here’s the Facebook page for the police (who are gifted in both dry humor and social media):
Robert Lewandowski continues to rack up goals in a Bayern Munich jersey, and the Bundesliga side reaps the rewards for their star striker’s production.
The Polish international began the new Bundesliga campaign on Friday with a hat-trick, as Bayern capped off a dominating 6-0 win against Werder Bremen.
Xabi Alonso opened the scoring for the home side after just nine minutes, but all eyes were on Lewandowski on the night as he netted his first three goals of the 2016/17 season.
The 28-year-old added Bayern’s second goal in the 13th minute, before finishing off his hat-trick performance with tallies in the 46th and 77th minutes, respectively. While his final finish came from the penalty spot, Lewandowski already looks more than ready to help Bayern retain its Bundesliga crown.
Veteran defender Phillip Lahm and Franck Ribery also converted their chances past Bremen goalkeeper Felix Wiedwald on an afternoon that saw Bayern tally an overwhelming 27 shots, 14 of which landed on target.
Werder Bremen’s chances were limited, with Viktor Skrypnyk’s group recording a mere two shots on net throughout the night.
Meanwhile, U.S. attacker Julian Green was on the bench for Bayern, however, the young American wasn’t introduced into the match.
Frustration has set in with the young American, but is a move away from Borussia Dortmund really the best move for Christian Pulisic’s growth?
With the additions of Mario Gotze, Andre Schurrle, Emre Mor and Ousmane Dembele this summer, Dortmund has not only retooled its already dangerous attack, but also created a tricky scenario for one of its most promising youth talents.
For Pulisic, it’s a simple dilemma with two possible outcomes; remain at the club and try to earn his way into the side over the next few seasons or move on his way to a destination that presents more promise towards his development as a budding star within the club and international levels.
The 17-year-old from Hershey, Pennsylvania bursted onto the Bundesliga scene a season ago, making 12 appearances for the German runners’ up while also notching two goals.
While it was only a small sample size, there was no question that Pulisic has already earned the respect of his teammates due to his impressive control on the ball and high work rate on both ends of the field.
Now, several clubs have already shown interest in the young American, which is certainly promising for the attacker as he looks to make a name for himself.
It just seems too early though for Pulisic to try to maneuver his way out of the Borussia Dortmund set up. In only one season with the club — a major one at that — Pulisic has already made himself relevant within U.S. and foreign circles as a young talent that will be seen for many years to come.
The situation isn’t optimal for a player seeking first-team minutes this season, but his age certainly plays into the equation. At 17 years old, very few players are starting on elite squads. That’s not a knock on Pulisic or any other aspiring player, but a mere fact when looking at how top teams are built.
On Friday, Bundesliga club RB Leipzig emerged as a suitor for Pulisic, reportedly offering over $16 million for the young USMNT attacker, before further reports linked Liverpool with a bid of $14 million to the Dortmund product.
While a move to Leipzig doesn’t seem so far-fetched, particularly at this stage of his career, picking up and heading to Anfield doesn’t seem like the ideal scenario for a player looking to further his young career and find consistent playing time.
Liverpool’s defensive issues remain a concern for Jurgen Klopp, but the former Dortmund boss has a plethora of options with the Reds in the attack, which would make it nearly as difficult for Pulisic to break into the squad on a regular basis if he were to complete a move to England.
Ideally, as a 17-year-old player it’s all about how much playing time you get. That essentially applies to every player, but especially to someone like Pulisic who is looking to establish himself at Dortmund and break into Jurgen Klinsmann’s USMNT lineup.
A loan move for Pulisic seems like the best scenario for the youngster, and with the reported interest in him it appears quite likely that Dortmund can find a suitable team to house the U.S. midfield as he continues his development.
Leipzig appears to have legitimate interest in Pulisic, and with the Bundesliga newcomers looking to make an impact in their first season in Germany’s top flight. With other clubs expressing interest in Pulisic as well, it seems unlikely that Dortmund would have a tough time offloading him for a season or two, but selling the American would be a bit of an oddity.