Picking Premier League matches is hard work and frankly, I’m crap at it.
But I love the banter and figure at the very least I can provide you with some fodder to tear me up with in the comments.
So let’s get it on.
Liverpool v. Arsenal (Sat 7:45 ET on USA; Anfield)
When these two sides met last fall many a pundit had Liverpool pegged as the club to take down high-flying Arsenal. Didn’t happen. In fact, they were given a comprehensive whooping.
But that was at the Emirates. Now the Reds get a second crack at the Gunner apple on their home turf in front of the Kop. Will it make a difference?
Does Brendan Rodgers show up on game days looking like Lucifer lost his Blistex?!?
You’re darn right he does.
Liverpool 2 Arsenal 1
Aston Villa v. West Ham United (Sat 10:00 ET on Live Extra; Villa Park)
Everything was going so well for West Ham against Swansea last weekend. They were up 2-0 and cruising before the donkey side of Andy Carroll decided to show up and give Chico Flores a no-look flailing elbow. The Spaniard’s dramatic fall to the ground had Howard Webb fooled and the ref promptly sent the donkey to his stable.
With no donkey and no Mo Diame, West Ham’s attack is hugely weakened side and I’m not sure I see Adrian providing super-human saves for a second straight week.
You picking up what I’m putting down? I like me some Villa.
Aston Villa 1 West Ham 0
SQUEAKY BUM TIME
Crystal Palace v. West Bromwich Albion (Sat 10:00 ET on Live Extra; Selhurst Park)
I want to take Selhurst Park, cut it into pieces, insert processed chicken bones, lightly fry it, toss it with a nice buffalo sauce and eat myself the best tasting wings in the world.
That’s right, I just compared soccer stadium to my love for buffalo wings. Best compliment I could pay a club.
Crystal Palace 2 West Brom 1
Southampton v. Stoke City (Sat 10:00 ET on Live Extra; St Mary’s Stadium)
Southampton brought out the magic stick in last week’s 3-0 destruction of Fulham. It was a performance of pure class but one that will be very difficult to duplicate against a Stoke side capable of beating anyone, as they proved last week against Manchester United.
This one will be close but ultimately the Saints should see it out.
Southampton 3 Stoke City 2
Sunderland v. Hull City (Sat 10:00 ET on Live Extra; Stadium of Light)
I’m saying it, Sunderland is pretty good. Especially on the garbage-strewn turf at the Stadium of Light.
Sunderland 1 Hull City 0
Swansea City v. Cardiff City (Sat 12:30 ET on NBCSN; Liberty Stadium)
Appointing Gary Monk in the place of Michael Laudrup is – assuming something happened to Roberto Martinez – basically the equivalent of Everton hiring Tony Hibbert.
Sesame Street characters are the best.
Swansea City 1 Cardiff City 0
Tottenham Hotspur v. Everton (Sun 8:30 ET on USA; White Hart Lane)
With a win, Spurs can leapfrog Everton and could go even on points with Liverpool. If the Toffees take all three points, they could leapfrog Liverpool into the Top 4. It’s all to play for so naturally we’re headed for a draw.
Tottenham 1 Everton 1
Chelsea v. Newcastle United (Sat 10:00 ET on USA; Stamford Bridge)
Normally I’d be hyping Chelsea/Newcastle as one of the matches of the week but after watching the Magpies pathetic display last weekend I just don’t see this one being the least bit a contest.
When Newcastle sold Yohan Cabaye they sold their soul. There is zero creativity in the center of the park and making matters worse, injuries are piling up with Tiote, Gouffran, Coloccini and Cisse all out.
If Chelsea messes this up I’ll be shocked.
Chelsea 4 Newcastle 1
Norwich City v. Manchester City (Sat 10:00 ET on Live Extra; Carrow Road)
Tons of pity for Norwich City. There will be blood.
Norwich City 0 Manchester City 4
Manchester United v. Fulham (Sun 11:00 ET on USA; Old Trafford)
Finally, a home fixture United can definitely win. Right? Right… I think.
Manchester United 2 Fulham 0