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Never playing in the Premier League is daring to Zlatan

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Saying the day he leaves Paris will be the day he retires or steps down a level, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has laid it out in plain terms: he will never be a Premier League player.

The PSG superstar is contracted to the club through 2016 and had previously hinted that his next destination could be Major League Soccer. But speaking ahead of his club’s UEFA Champions League quarterfinal against Chelsea — and his old manager Jose Mourinho — the big Swede says he’ll have no regrets about not testing the waters of the Premier League.

From the Daily Mail:

‘To come to England today is not a question,’ he said. ‘It’s impossible to get me to England. Ask the people behind this (PSG) project; I don’t think they would let me go.

“When I went to Milan there were some talks with English clubs but it was not in the picture.

“I will not look back and say I should have played in England. I am happy. I respect the Premier League; it’s a great competition with many big teams and big individual players.

“But I haven’t been part of it. My stories have been elsewhere. I have no regrets. Thank you.”

Ah, the nearly-patented succinct Zlatan ending is always so pleasing. Can you imagine the conversations he used to have with Mourinho? Have they ever had dinner with Thierry Henry? My goodness.

Ibrahimovic, 32, has been effusive with praise for his former manager, but it will be all business come Wednesday.

‘As a coach he did everything, except win the World Cup with a national team,’ said Ibrahimovic.

‘I am lucky to know him as a person and he is a great person. I had a great relationship with him at Inter.

‘Either you connect or you don’t and we connected. He’s a danger. He’s a great coach. He knows what to do to win and has the experience.’

Have to love how Ibra gets in a slight dig — no World Cup — even in celebrating The Special One. I bet in his spare time Zlatan talks about how he is “The More Special One.”

Puksas Award finalists: Somehow absent is USWNT’s Carli Lloyd

Carli Lloyd, USWNT
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FIFA announced on Monday its three-man list of finalists for the 2015 Puskas Award, handed out each year to the player who scored the “most beautiful” goal of the past calendar year.

[ MORE: 2015 Ballon d’Or finalists ]

The three men up for this year’s honor are Alessandro Florenzi (WATCH HERE), Lionel Messi (WATCH HERE) and Wendell Lira (WATCH HERE) — all scorers of fantastically beautiful goals this year.

That means Carli Lloyd, who made the original list of nominees before being whittled down to just three, is shockingly tragically scandalously criminally not a finalist for this year’s award. Reminder: This is the goal we’re talking about.

[ MORE: Timbers reach first MLS Cup | Crew SC to host MLS Cup 2015 ]

So, here’s the case for Lloyd:

  • She scored from midfield
  • She scored the winner from midfield in a World Cup final
  • She scored the winner from midfield in a World Cup final to complete a hat trick
  • She scored the winner from midfield in a World Cup final to complete a hat trick in the 16th minute

How in the world is Carli Lloyd’s midfield goal to complete a 16-minute hat trick and win a World Cup final not a top-three goal of the year? You got some (more) explaining to do, FIFA.

Beckham group abandons latest plans for Miami MLS stadium

David Beckham
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All signs seemed to point toward an all-too-familiar outcome for the David Beckham-led investment group hoping to bring a Major League Soccer franchise to the city of Miami: another failed plan in their bid to build a brand new stadium.

[ FOLLOW: All of PST’s MLS coverage ]

Earlier this month, newly-joined all-world sports executive Tim Leiweke warned that groups or individuals currently owning the various parcels of land surrounding the Miami Marlins’ baseball stadium, the latest site Miami Beckham United (MBU) had chosen, were making “unrealistic” demands and threatened to derail the project at that location.

Today, it’s been reported across South Florida that the group has altogether abandoned plans to build their stadium at that particular site. Miami city commissioner Francis Suarez confirmed that MBU were “moving in a different direction” — quotes from Local 10 News:

“It’s going to be withdrawn from the next agenda because the Beckham group has not acquired the private properties that are needed to construct the stadium on that site.”

“The residents expect us to hold these teams to the fire,” Suarez said. “A lot of times they’re financed by wealthy people and they want some sort of a public subsidy, which is very controversial as well, which is why we were going to take it to referendum.”

[ MORE: Timbers reach first MLS Cup | Crew SC to host MLS Cup 2015 ]

On Sunday, during halftime of the league’s Eastern Conference final, MLS commissioner Don Garber was asked about the Miami stadium situation, to which he responded, “We think Miami will be a great market. We found a reasonably good site. I’m confident that we’ll get something done there.”

MBU is reportedly being held to something of a deadline by the MLS board of governors, which meets every year ahead of MLS Cup, with this weekend’s sit-down thought of as a target date to have something concrete going forward. Meanwhile, Sacramento Republic FC, an MLS expansion hopeful currently playing in the USL (third division), announced last week they would be moving forward with building their brand new MLS-sized stadium, expansion bid or not.

“Goal” writer pitching a Jamie Vardy movie: But who would play Kaspar Schmeichel?

Jamie Vardy, Leicester City FC
AP Photo/Rui Vieira
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There are certainly already some comparisons between new Premier League record holder Jamie Vardy and fictional Santiago Munez from the “Goal!” movies.

But that isn’t going to stop “Goal” screenwriter Adrian Butchart from heading to Tinseltown and pitching the Vardy story as a basis for a new film, according to The Sun.

[ PL PLAYBACK: Vardy Party, and Costa out at Chelsea? ]

And he’s got a who’s who of young actors in mind for the role of Vardy.

From The Sun:

Butchart believes Hollywood A-listers Robert Pattinson, Andrew Garfield and Zac Efron all have potential to fill Vardy’s boots in a film version of his life.

Unfortunately, they don’t ask Butchart who should play Claudio Ranieri, or Ruud van Nistelrooy.

Fortunately, we’re here with our cast (The first one is easy):

Aaron Paul as Vardy.

Robert Downey, Jr. as Van Nistelrooy.

James Franco as Riyad Mahrez.

Tommy Lee Jones as Ranieri.

Ryan Gosling as Kaspar Schmeichel.

Liam Neeson as Nigel Pearson.

And Danny Drinkwater as himself.

Report says Impact will add 96-times capped Ivorian defender

Monaco's Bulgarian forward Dimitar Berbatov (L) challenges Montpellier's Ivorian defender Siaka Tiene (R) during the French L1 football match between Montpellier and Monaco at the Mosson stadium in Montpellier on September 24, 2014.   AFP PHOTO / BORIS HORVAT        (Photo credit should read BORIS HORVAT/AFP/Getty Images)
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The Eastern Conference’s second-stingiest team is looking to enhance its already-strong back line.

Joining MLS Best XI defender Laurent Ciman could be Siaka Tiene, a longtime international teammate of Didier Drogba on the Ivory Coast squad.

[ MORE: Timbers hold off Dallas | Crew advances past RBNY ]

The 96-times capped Tiene will be 34 when next season starts, but will have fresh legs having not played since last season ended for Montpellier. does the translation work for us:

A report from states that the Impact have signed 33-year-old left back Siaka Tiéné, an Ivory Coast international who boasts World Cup and African Cup of Nations experience.

Aside from Ciman, Ambroise Oyongo is the only Impact back currently under contract.

Tiene played relatively well last season, but was limited to just 17 appearances in Ligue 1.