Houston Dynamo v New England Revolution

MLS Roundup: DC and NE wins congest the East, Seattle thumped

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What a weekend in Major League Soccer. The best part: Only one tie (though of course it featured the Tying Timbers).

Philadelphia Union 0-1 DC United: Even a new formation couldn’t help Philly’s struggling offense, and Chicago’s offload of Chris Rolfe and his salary continues to reap dividends for DC, which surged into second place in the Eastern Conference after the midfielder’s 6th minute goal. Could United be for real?

Montreal Impact 0-3 Sporting KC: Seventy-three minutes of 10-man ball is not a recipe for beating the reigning MLS champions, and Sporting took care of business after Collin Warner received an early red card. Two goals came courtesy of Dom Dwyer, while Paolo Nagamura also found the back of the net. Montreal is not clicking under Frank Klopas so far, while KC is tied atop the East.

New York Red Bulls 4-5 Chicago Fire: Chicago has a win! Chicago finally has a win! The good Shipp, Harrison, buried his first three MLS goals as it looked like the Fire were going to make a mockery of the Red Bulls in New York, but the hosts came charging back thanks to Bradley Wright-Phillips. He added a league-best eighth and ninth goals on the night, but couldn’t bring New York all the way back.

Columbus Crew 0-1 Vancouver Whitecaps: Super-early-season darlings Columbus lost again at home, where their record fell to 1W-2L-2T. The villain in this one was Erik Hurtado, who netted his first MLS goal for Carl Robinson’s surging club. It was Vancouver’s first win on the road.

San Jose Earthquakes 2-1 FC Dallas: Oscar Pareja and FC Dallas red-hot opening slate has fizzled into four straight losses, and perhaps San Jose will start to get a bit more respect after this triumph that saw just 45 minutes of even play. No Mauro Diaz did not help — nor will it — as Dallas tries to find answers. Meanwhile, San Jose has pulled into fifth-place after the tough, congested start that included CONCACAF Champions League matches.

Portland Timbers 1-1 Los Angeles Galaxy: Who had the Portland Timbers as the team with the West’s worst record in mid-May? The traditionally-tying Timbers caught a major break to even get one point, as a takedown of Juninho on a breakaway could’ve easily been the penalty attempt to make it 2-0. Both markers came in stoppage time, as Diego Valeri scored at the death to cancel out Robbie Keane’s fifth goal of the year.

Colorado Rapids 1-3 Chivas USA: Break up the Goats. Chivas USA is technically out of the basement again after substitute Martin Chavez scored twice in the second half to lift the visitors. Erick Torres was solid again with a goal and assist, and Dan Kennedy lost his shutout late when Deshorn Brown scored in stoppage time.

New England Revolution 5-0 Seattle Sounders: Diego Fagundez took nine games to score his first of the season, but picked up two as New England picked apart Seattle to the tune of a 4-0 halftime lead. Bobby Shuttleworth was fantastic as the Sounders tempted the frame several times early, but Sigi Schmid will regret many missed chances.

Houston Dynamo 2-5 Real Salt Lake: The story could’ve been Mark Sherrod’s first two MLS goals, but instead it’s about a dicey red card to Servando Carrasco and Javier Morales finding his goal-scoring boots. Morales netted a hat trick, with two in the first 17 minutes and an 89th minute penalty kick. RSL led 3-1 at halftime on the way to a comfortable 5-2 win at BBVA Compass Stadium, its first ever at Houston.

STANDINGS

Eastern
Team GP W D L GF GA GD Home Away PTS
Sporting KC 9 5 2 2 14 6 8 3-2-0 2-0-2 17
New England 10 5 2 3 14 10 4 3-1-0 2-1-3 17
D.C. 9 4 2 3 13 11 2 3-1-1 1-1-2 14
Houston 11 4 2 5 15 19 -4 3-1-2 1-1-3 14
New York 11 3 5 3 18 17 1 2-2-1 1-3-2 14
Columbus 10 3 3 4 10 11 -1 1-2-2 2-1-2 12
Toronto FC 7 3 0 4 7 9 -2 1-0-2 2-0-2 9
Chicago 9 1 6 2 17 18 -1 0-3-1 1-3-1 9
Philadelphia 11 1 5 5 10 14 -4 1-3-1 0-2-4 8
Montreal 9 1 3 5 7 17 -10 1-2-2 0-1-3 6
Western
Team GP W D L GF GA GD Home Away PTS
Seattle 11 7 1 3 22 19 3 4-0-2 3-1-1 22
Real Salt Lake 10 5 5 0 21 12 9 2-2-0 3-3-0 20
FC Dallas 11 5 1 5 20 19 1 4-0-2 1-1-3 16
Vancouver 10 4 4 2 16 12 4 3-1-1 1-3-1 16
Colorado 10 4 3 3 11 12 -1 2-1-2 2-2-1 15
San Jose 9 2 4 3 10 11 -1 2-3-1 0-1-2 10
Los Angeles 7 2 3 2 8 6 2 1-0-1 1-3-1 9
Chivas USA 10 2 3 5 12 19 -7 1-1-3 1-2-2 9
Portland 10 1 6 3 13 16 -3 1-5-0 0-1-3 9

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Manchester United said to be offering $12 million bonus to Zlatan Ibrahimovic

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - APRIL 12:  Zlatan Ibrahimovic of Paris Saint-Germain beats Eliaquim Mangala (20) and Joe Hart of Manchester City to score, but his goal is disallowed during the UEFA Champions League quarter final second leg match between Manchester City FC and Paris Saint-Germain at the Etihad Stadium on April 12, 2016 in Manchester, United Kingdom.  (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)
Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images
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The Premier League sometimes seems to deal in funny money, and it might take just that to bring Zlatan Ibrahimovic across the English Channel.

The Swedish superstar, 34, is leaving Paris Saint-Germain this summer and is reportedly being targeted by several Premier League clubs.

[ MORE: LVG issues statement ]

With his old pal Jose Mourinho expected to take over at Manchester United, there’s been a natural batch of gossip linking the pair. Goal.com has claims of extraordinary dollar signs for the trophy-collecting Ibrahimovic.

Goal’s French site claims that Ibrahimovic would get close to a $12 million signing bonus to go with a huge weekly salary of approximately $363,000. Add that up, and you’re talking more than $560,000 a week.

The report spreads rumors of a $400,000-per-week offer from Major League Soccer for Zlatan, and that acquisition would certainly quell the minor storm caused by China’s acquisition of many big names.

We’ve always thought Ibrahimovic was more an Arsenal-style player, but imagine Mourinho running the Swede with Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford? Bonkers.

Ajax hires Peter Bosz as new coach to replace Frank de Boer

SOUTHAMPTON, ENGLAND - JULY 30:  Peter Bosz manager of Vitesse looks on ahead of the UEFA Europa League Third Qualifying Round 1st Leg match between Southampton and Vitesse at St Mary's Stadium on July 30, 2015 in Southampton, England.  (Photo by Jordan Mansfield/Getty Images)
Photo by Jordan Mansfield/Getty Images
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AMSTERDAM (AP) Ajax has signed Peter Bosz as its new coach, replacing Frank de Boer who announced earlier this month he was leaving the club after nearly six years in which he won four Dutch league titles.

Bosz, a former player and technical director at Ajax’s arch rival Feyenoord, is leaving Maccabi Tel Aviv to join the Amsterdam club on a three-year contract.

[ MORE: USMNT-Ecuador preview | Klinsmann eyes semis ]

In a statement late Tuesday, Bosz says it is an honor to join Ajax. He says, “I am very ambitious and so is Ajax.”

Ajax director Edwin van der Sar says that in Bosz, Ajax has hired a coach “who can make our talented squad even better.”

Ajax finished second behind PSV Eindhoven in the top flight Eredivisie season that has just ended.

WATCH: Neymar caught a bit offguard in first look at his wax figure

MADRID, SPAIN - MAY 22:  Neymar of FC Barcelona celebrates aftr scoring Barcelona's 2nd goal during the Copa del Rey Final between Barcelona and Sevilla at Vicente Calderon Stadium    on May 22, 2016 in Madrid, Spain.  (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images)
Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images
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I remember the first time I saw the first of many life size wax replications of my body.

That is a sentence I am unlikely to ever utter, but Neymar is a different story.

[ MORE: USMNT-Ecuador preview | Klinsmann eyes semis ]

The 24-year-old Brazilian superstar was caught on camera witnessing his wax figure for the first time, and we can watch it thanks to FC Barcelona.

Look at this guy, looking at that guy. The most interesting part for me is his fascination with how well they did with his tattoos, which of course are easier to duplicate than, you know, a face:

Morris “completely respects” Klinsmann’s keeping him off USMNT roster

SEATTLE, WA - APRIL 20:  Seattle Sounders FC forward Jordan Morris speaks on stage during We Day at KeyArena on April 20, 2016 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Mat Hayward/Getty Images for We Day)
Photo by Mat Hayward/Getty Images for We Day
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Seattle Sounders striker and USMNT star-in-waiting Jordan Morris struck a mature note when asked about his exclusion from Jurgen Klinsmann’s 23-man roster for this summer’s Copa America Centenario.

Some will have considered the youngster a lock for the roster, with Morris already boasting rarefied air as a college player to become something close to a national team regular while still in school.

[ MORE: USMNT-Ecuador preview | Klinsmann eyes semis ]

But Klinsmann opted for in-form San Jose striker Chris Wondolowski, and it has become old hat for MLS players to gripe when their name is not called by the German boss (See: Benny Feilhaber, Brad Evans and Landon Donovan).

Don’t count Morris in that group. Of course the youngster doesn’t have the tenure to rally against the man who gave him his shot in the first place, but that hasn’t stopped others from acting entitled to a roster spot.

From MLSSoccer.com:

“[Klinsmann] told me not take it too hard and that there was a lot of competition,” Morris said. “I completely respect his decision. There were a lot of good forwards playing and they’re all playing really well. I wish those guys all the best. It’s going to be a lot of fun to watch this summer.”

Morris can still end up on the roster through injury, and it’s easy to see him as the next name up should an attack-minded player take a knock. Stefan Frei told us last week that Morris is remarkably professional, and this is no exception.

The youngster did admit increased motivation from his omission, stating that “it gives you fuel to your fire to try and get back in the mix a little bit”. We have a feeling he won’t be out of that mix for long.