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Report: Rihanna to buy Major League Soccer’s Chivas USA? Surely not.

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OK, file this one under the “very unlikely to happen” section of Major League Soccer takeover stories.

Let’s have some fun with it anyway.

The guys over at Goat Parade managed to dig deep into the British tabloids and find some info, reportedly from international pop sensation Rihanna, suggesting “she’s hinted she may do something with an LA team.”

Buy a soccer team in LA, that is.

According to Goat Parade the report is from British magazine Female First who attributed the quotes to the Daily Star. So, one magazine is reporting that another tabloid has an unattributed quote to Rihanna. Okay.

Putting two and two together, we all know there’s one team openly on the market in Los Angeles that Rihanna could buy. Step forward, Chivas USA. Her love for soccer is certainly pretty strong if this summer is anything to go by. Rihanna was down in Brazil watching games, pictured right, cheering on plenty of teams, and she Tweeted out several times as an avid fan. While the German national team posed for photos with her and the World Cup.

The report also suggests Rihanna is contemplating buying a Premier League side, as she aims to set up a soccer academy in her home country of Barbados. Her net worth is said to be around $90 million, which means she probably would be part of a consortium to buy the MLS franchise if this deal were actually ever going to happen.

However, what if she did buy Chivas USA?

Here are some suggestions for a few “owners initiatives” and remember, this is all very tongue in cheek:

  • Rename the club, “Rihanna’s Rebels” or “Rudeboys FC”
  • The new owner (Rihanna) could perform a concert during every home game to boost attendance figures
  • With her admiration for the German national team perhaps Mario Gotze et al. will be heading to MLS?
  • Build a new domed stadium in downtown LA for the team, the rooftop could be shaped like a massive “Umbrella”… (too far?)

Will pigs fly before Rihanna buys an MLS team? Almost certainly. Just like most music moguls that are linked with buying soccer clubs, when the actual costs come out and you realize that you will likely lose a lot of cash, the faint rumors soon dissipate.

But it’s sure fun to think about, right?

“Overweight” Costa comes to Mourinho’s defense

Diego Costa, Chelsea FC
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Diego Costa says he and his Chelsea teammates are to blame for Chelsea’s horrid start to the 2015-16 Premier League season.

[ FOLLOW: All of PST’s PL coverage ]

Speaking Thursday, during a bit of downtime over the current international break (Costa was left out of Vicente del Bosque’s squad for Spain’s final two EURO 2016 qualifiers this week), Costa placed the majority of blame at the feet of the entire team, but went on to most harshly critique himself for coming into the season unfocused and “overweight.”

Costa, on his lack of fitness and form to begin the season — quotes from the Guardian:

“We know we’re not in the form we were supposed to be at the beginning of the season. We need to blame the players because we came back from holiday very confident, thinking we could go back into how it was last season, and then realized the team was already in a bad situation.

“I’m going to be very honest: maybe a few weeks ago, five or six weeks ago, I was not on top of my game. At least physically. We talk within the players and we know that, maybe at the beginning, we were not 100 percent as we were supposed to be when we got here. I got injured at the end of last season and then I went on holiday. Maybe I got out of my diet and, when I came back, I was not the way I was supposed to be. I was a little bit overweight. That affected my game. You can be selfish and blame it on the manager but I’m not going to do that. I’m responsible 100%, and so are the other guys.

Given that Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho said on Thursday he doesn’t quite know what’s wrong with the defending Premier League champions, hearing someone — anyone — speak up and explain the club’s worst start to a season in 37 years will surely be a welcome sound to any Blues supporter’s ears.

[ MORE: Liverpool appoint Klopp as manager | Allardyce to Sunderland? ]

Costa, who is eligible to return from suspension next weekend when Aston Villa visit Stamford Bridge, has scored just one goal in league play this season (six appearances) after scoring 20 in 26 games last season.

Sam Allardyce to open talks with Sunderland

Sam Allardyce, West Ham United FC
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Now that Liverpool have selected and named their new manager, it appears Sunderland are finally ready to move forward with their own managerial search. (That’s clearly a joke, because it implies Liverpool and Sunderland ever duke it out for the same managerial candidate.)

[ FOLLOW: All of PST’s PL coverage ]

Anyway, the Black Cats will have to hire someone to replace the recently-departed Dick Advocaat at some point. We all knew that, despite the fact he’s probably earned a shot at that level, Bob Bradley was never really going to be considered for the job. With that in mind, if you’re not going to endear yourself to the entire United States of America with this hire, you might as well go for the best unemployed manager who’ll actually consider your approach.

That’s what Sunderland chairman Ellis Short appears to have done, as it was reported Thursday that despite an initial reluctance from Sam Allardyce — let’s be honest, he actually was holding out hope for the Liverpool job — the 60-year-old most recently in charge of West Ham United was willing and ready to enter into negotiations with the northeastern club.

One of the major sticking points during Sunderland’s courting of Allardyce is expected to be his demand for autonomy in the transfer market as well as a sizable transfer budget to sign his own players during the January window.

[ MORE: Advocaat: Sunderland squad too thin, chairman to blame ]

Allardyce seems like the no. 1 guy you’d like to bring in to steady a capsized ship — cough Sunderland cough — in any situation. Not only does he have a successful track record in the Premier League, but he’s the kind of no-nonsense leader a club like Sunderland so desperately needs as they find themselves in yet another relegation battle just eight games into the new season.

Short hopes to have Allardyce signed, sealed and delivered when the Premier League returns to action next weekend. In that event, Allardyce’s first game in charge of Sunderland would be a trip to West Bromwich Albion. His first home fixture? Home to Tyne-Wear derby rivals Newcastle United, a club whose boisterous fanbase still holds a great deal of disdain for Big Sam. Sometimes the football gods really are looking out for us.