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That report on FIFA’s World Cup bribery scandal? You won’t see it

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If a 350-page report covering 200,000 pages worth of material is never read by anyone but FIFA, can it make a sound?

BBC chief sports correspondant Dan Roan says the investigation done by lawyer Michael Garcia included interviews with 75 witnesses and included more than 200,000 pages of material, yielding a 350-page report that’s now been delivered to FIFA.

Now the report has hit the desk of FIFA’s “ethics judge” (though you’re unlikely to ever lay eyes on it). Feel free to commence chuckling, but both Garcia and judge Hans-Joachim Eckert were both appointed to their roles in 2012 to combat issues just like these.

[ MORE: Come at the king – Blatter challenges FIFA rivals ]

[ RELATED: Klinsmann’s goal for 2018? World Cup semis ]

The awarding of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar has been called “a brilliant mistake”,  while myriad human rights issues have clouded the decision to give Russia the 2018 tournament.

Oh, and there’s that whole bribery thing. We could legitimately have a category on this site devoted to the term “bribery”.

Now prepare yourself for 200,000 pages of material, 75 witnesses and a 350-page report that expose… that everything was done by the book and the World Cups are staying in their originally-awarded locations (that’s how bribes work, you know). What do you expect to come from this? Surely FIFA is defiant enough to stick with the locations, but will any punishments be doled out? Jobs be removed.

You could certainly envision a couple of people fired for their actions but FIFA to deem that “too much preparation has already been done to strip the World Cup from Russia or Qatar.”

Klopp on struggling Benteke: “He wants to score and we need him to score”

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 09:  Christian Benteke of Liverpool reacts as he foiled by goalkeeper Darren Randolph of West Ham United during the Emirates FA Cup Fourth Round Replay match between West Ham United and Liverpool at Boleyn Ground on February 9, 2016 in London, England.  (Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)
Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images
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Jurgen Klopp had his appendix removed this weekend, but it’s doubtful he’s feeling as sore as his big Belgian striker.

Christian Benteke had the opportunity to put himself in the good graces of Liverpool fans with a number of decent chances in Tuesday’s FA Cup loss to West Ham, but couldn’t get the job done.

[ MORE: Match recap | Watch Coutinho’s slick free kick ]

In one case, Benteke put himself in a prime spot only to lash his shot wide of the post. Instead, he’s now at 11 appearances without a goal (despite ripping nine shots against the Irons).

From the BBC:

“I don’t believe in the easy goal. He has to carry on like this. It’s not the nicest moment in his career but he has to work hard. He wants to score and we need him to score. We will work on it in the days, weeks and months.”

Klopp maintained that Liverpool was “the better team” on the night — counterpart Slaven Bilic disagreed — despite conceding a pair of very similar looking goals.

The game could’ve avoided extra time through Benteke’s boots and body, but he couldn’t find his finish again.

The 25-year-old has seen his goal production drop by nearly half since joining from Aston Villa in the summer, and it’s sure to return… just maybe not under Klopp.

Bilic: Cup win “will go into the history of West Ham’s greatest games”

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 09:  Slaven Bilic manager of West Ham United signals during the Emirates FA Cup Fourth Round Replay match between West Ham United and Liverpool at Boleyn Ground on February 9, 2016 in London, England.  (Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)
Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images
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It’s safe to say Slaven Bilic loved West Ham United’s dramatic 2-1 win over Liverpool in Tuesday’s FA Cup fourth round replay.

Angelo Ogbonna headed home a winner in the 121st minute, and Bilic celebrated wildly before giving a postmatch briefing that can only be described as emotional.

[ MORE: Match recap | Watch Coutinho’s slick free kick ]

If you’re a supporter who wants your manager to respect the Cup competitions, you’re going to love these words from Bilic.

From the BBC:

“I can explain my feelings, and I can’t at the same time. It is great, for me a really great game of football. It was a classic FA Cup tie. It will go into the history of West Ham’s greatest games. Liverpool, last season at Upton Park, night kick-off, goal in the last minute. And we deserved it, I am very proud of the guys. They left their heart on the pitch.”

While Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp said the Reds were the better team in the loss, Bilic said his side produced a match capable of beating any team in England.

He’s mostly right. There were big chances for Liverpool, but West Ham deserved a PK amongst several calls that went against them. Blackburn’s next.

West Ham United 2-1 Liverpool: Ogbonna strikes after 120 minutes

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 09:  Jordon Ibe of Liverpool takes on Pedro Mba Obiang of West Ham United during the Emirates FA Cup Fourth Round Replay match between West Ham United and Liverpool at Boleyn Ground on February 9, 2016 in London, England.  (Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)
Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)
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Angelo Ogbonna is now an FA Cup hero.

Two sides willing to move the ball and attack produced a fine FA Cup tie on Tuesday at the Boleyn Ground, with Ogbonna heading home the match-winner in the 121st minute of play for a 2-1 win.

Michail Antonio scored a first-half goal for West Ham before Philippe Coutinho equalized for the visiting Reds.

[ WATCH: Coutinho’s cheeky free kick ties the score ]

All told, West Ham heads to Ewood Park for a fifth-round date with Blackburn Rovers. Peterborough United hosts West Bromwich Albion on Wednesday to sort out the fourth round’s other replay.

Liverpool played a more second-string set than the home side.

Brilliance met brilliance in the 38th minute, as Dimitri Payet struck a gorgeous dipping free kick over the wall only to see Mignolet get the slightest touch to help the ball crank off the goal post. Cheikhou Kouyate failed to scissor kick the rebound, and Mignolet flew back into the picture to parry Antonio’s header.

Antonio would get his glory next, as Enner Valencia took Payet’s pass and dribbled through the left side of the 18 and toward the end line before crossing the ball. Antonio let the ball sink to hip height before volleying home. 1-0, 45′.

There were three goal posts struck in the first half.

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[ MORE: Recapping Week 25 in the PL ]

Coutinho scored on a clever free kick from the edge of the 18, betting on the wall jumping and cheekily rolling his shot under it and past Hammers keeper Darren Randolph.

Christian Benteke started and nearly finished a 56th minute chance inside the box, but his shot was blocked.

West Ham should’ve been awarded a penalty when Tiago Ilori pulled down Valencia in the box. Roger East didn’t see it that way.

[ MORE: Chelsea’s Courtois says FA Cup or UEFA Champions League final a must ]

The match went to extra time after eight minutes of second-half stoppage time.

Mignolet made a solid flying stop on Mark Noble in the first frame of extra time. At the other end, Benteke struck a low chance wide of the right post. Moments later, Randolph came out to thwart Benteke on a breakaway.

If anyone needed a reminder of Daniel Sturridge‘s skill, the late sub let fly with a 108th minute bullet that missed the goal by inches.

Then Lucas Leiva gave up a free kick just as two minutes of extra time stoppage began, and Ogbonna struck.

LINEUPS

West Ham United: Randolph, O’Brien (Moses, 83′), Reid (Collins, 64′), Ogbonna, Cresswell, Kouyate (Carroll, 76′), Noble, Obiang, Antonio, Valencia, Payet.

Liverpool: Mignolet, Flanagan, Stewart, Tiago Ilori, Smith, Teixeira (Origi, 60′), Lucas, Chirivella (Milner, 102′), Ibe, Benteke, Coutinho (Sturridge, 60′).

WATCH: Liverpool’s Coutinho bewitches West Ham with cheeky free kick

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 09: Philippe Coutinho of Liverpool scores from a free-kick during the Emirates FA Cup Fourth Round Replay match between West Ham United and Liverpool at Boleyn Ground on February 9, 2016 in London, England.  (Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)
Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images
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Philippe Coutinho has some gumption.

Liverpool’s Brazilian wizard tied things up with West Ham United in Tuesday’s FA Cup replay at the Boleyn Ground, and did it in style.

[ MORE: Courtois says FA Cup or Champions League final a must ]

With a free kick from just outside the 18, Coutinho thought West Ham would expect he’d hit a ball that would get up quick before dipping after the wall.

They’d jump, he figured, and he’d roll it under the wall. He was correct (video courtesy Fox Soccer):