Mario Balotelli’s top moments of madness; the final Manchester City incident report

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Thank goodness for a little morning spelunking into the research files on Mario Balotelli and the bizarre forces that have always ruled his head. Because I had completely forgotten about the women’s prison incident!

For pure entertainment, how awesome was this guy?

On the serious side briefly: Manchester City officials finally saw the light, belated as it was.

Balotelli was always going to be a problem and a burden. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the man-child of Manchester was always going to be a brooding figure in the City locker room, a taught trip wire ready to create destruction on the training ground or, worse yet, in a big match. Talented as the young Italian striker surely is, the club was always going to be better without him.

At the very least, City will be a more focused bunch without Balotelli’s selfish inclinations to overcome. Reports have the Italian giant paying about $31.5 million to bring Balotelli to the San Siro, where he will sign a 4 ½ -year deal pending a medical sign-off.

ProSoccerTalk’s Richard Farley smartly assessed the ins and out here.  But (running back toward the light a little) it is worth a few minutes to look back at exactly why City is a better, more stable place today.

One story I read says Balotelli’s move to AC Milan ends a “turbulent” two and a half years at the Etihad. That’s a little like saying debate between democrats and republicans sometimes gets a “little snippy.”

This piece has a few humorous details on the women’s prison bit. Classic.

This rap sheet of wackiness from the Mirror – in fairness, the Mirror’s standard of truth goes about as high as single Thin Mint cookie, but still … – likes the unconfirmed report that his mom once dispatched Balotelli to pick up some cleaning supplies.

A few hours later, Mario’s car pulled up with a van behind – which promptly unloaded a giant trampoline, two Vespa scooters and no cleaning products whatsoever…”

She raised the kid; she’s presumably seen worse. Quite possibly on a weekly basis.

Those are the incidents that lean toward the wacky, but there were other moments where a truly darker element emerged, like his awful, potentially devastating tackle on Alex Song last spring.

The really crazy thing is this: the lists above were cobbled together at some point last year. Of Because Balotelli is nothing if not reliable, there have been additions since then, like the training ground scuffle with Mancini earlier this month.

The other crazy thing: these lists don’t share as many incidents as you might think. You see, when it comes to Mario Balotelli Moments of Madness, there’s a menu of choices that would make the freakin’ Cheesecake Factory blush.