Liverpool 5-1 Norwich: Luis Suárez loves scoring against the Canaries (video)

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Liverpool had this match done and dusted by the fifteenth minute, but Luis Suárez decided to keep heaping misery on poor Norwich all the same. By the 35th minute, the Reds forward had scored a hat trick, his third in as many seasons against the Canaries. In the second half, he added to his tally, picking up yet another goal and notching an assist. The trampled Norwich slide down into 16th, just a point above the drop.

Although the second goal from Suárez wasn’t the sort that drew gasps of astonishment from the crowd, the first and third were absolute beauties. The first goal from the Uruguayan came from a header by Steven Gerrard, which escaped a Norwich player to bounce in front of Suárez. He caught the bounce and smashed his shot in from about 35 yards, sending it looping through the air, over John Ruddy and into the top corner of the net.

The third goal was also pretty fantastic. Picking up a ball from Raheem Sterling, Suárez juggled it on his thigh, flipped it over the head of a hapless Norwich defender, and let his shot rip, this time from about 25 yards out. Ruddy was again unable to do a thing, with the ball flying into the bottom right corner.

Norwich looked utterly defeated by the time Suárez was through, but Chris Hughton’s halftime talk must’ve revived them just a little. Just after the restart Sebastien Bassong went close with a header, but put it just a bit high. Efforts rather petered out after that, and despite Hughton’s attempt to liven things up with his substitutions, it was Liverpool that were coming the closest, with Ryan Bennett forced to clear a Gerrard header. Then Suárez could have had a fourth on a quick counter, but Sterling elected to go it alone, and found himself relieved of the ball.

Eventually, though, the Uruguayan managed to add to his tally, knocking in his fourth with fifteen minutes left to play. It was yet another from distance, this time off a 25 yard free kick. Ruddy could do nothing as the ball bent around the Norwich wall to end up in the top corner.

Norwich did end up with a consolation prize, however: a goal from Bradley Johnson in the 83rd minute. The cross came in from Nathan Redmond and Johnson was able to get above Daniel Agger to flick on the header. It likely troubled Liverpool very little however — particularly since they managed yet another, in the 88th minute. This time it was Suárez providing the assist, sending the cross in for Sterling, who slotted home on the bounce.

Liverpool: Mignolet, Johnson, Flanagan, Agger, Skrtel, Allen, Gerrard, Henderson (Alberto 69), Sterling, Coutinho, Suárez (Aspas 90)

Subs not used: Jones, Toure, Sakho, Moses, Lucas

Norwich: Ruddy, Martin, R Bennett, Bassong, Olsson, Johnson, Fer (Whittaker 72), Howson, Hoolahan (Murphy 62), Redmond, Elmander (Hooper 69)

Subs not used: Nash, Turner, Garrido, Becchio

MLS Three Things: RBNY beats Atlanta, is a special club right now

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At this point, Jesse Marsch could take the USMNT job, Tyler Adams could bolt for the Bundesliga, and we’d still have to select the New York Red Bulls to finish with a home playoff game.

[ MORE: Willian’s shot at Conte ]

That’s how well run RBNY is these days, which is to take nothing away from their coach and 19-year-old star, but considering they navigated a solid CONCACAF Champions League run en route to this start… well…. wow.

On a night when Luis Robles’ ironman streak ended, Kaku recorded two assists, and Ezequiel Barco bagged his second goal in three matches, they don’t even meet the requirements of our three things.

Form giants deliver more goals

Marsch’s men have been shutout once this season, and most multiple goals in four-consecutive wins. Three of those four wins have come on the road, at LA, Colorado, and now Atlanta.

RBNY has the best points-per-game in Major League Soccer, has scored the joint-most goals despite playing in the second-fewest games, and is allowing barely more than a goal-a-game.

Bet against ’em. We dare ya.

BWP delivers the goods

RBNY’s 33-year-old English star scored twice and won a penalty that Daniel Royer converted as he continued his assault on all future Red Bulls’ hopes of becoming the club’s leading scorer.

Bradley Wright-Phillips has almost 50 more goals than his nearest competitor, Juan Pablo Angel, and he makes headers look like child’s play.

Victory comes with a price

Kemar Lawrence was lost with a scary-looking face-plant on a clearance, and needed to be stretchered off the pitch. Hopefully it’s not long-term for the Jamaican back.

Willian “edits” Conte out of FA Cup champions photo

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Willian is not a fan of Antonio Conte.

Come to another conclusion if you like, but it’s hard to argue the Brazilian wizard’s feelings following his Instagram post after Chelsea beat Manchester United in the FA Cup Final.

[ MORE: Matic wants squad changes at Man Utd ]

Willian covered his manager in trophies following the win, and it’d be a stretch to call that a tribute to the Italian’s tactical brilliance.

The player recorded seven goals and six assists despite playing less than all but 12 Chelsea players in league play (12th place Alvaro Morata had 11 and 6).

We’re accepting alternative explanations for the since-deleted Instagram photo below:

Elis scores twice as Dynamo beat Fire 3-2

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BRIDGEVIEW, Ill. (AP) Alberth Elis scored two second-half goals to help the Houston Dynamo beat the Chicago Fire 3-2 on Sunday for their first road win of the season.

Elis, on a one-on-one breakaway, cut back to evade defender Johan Kappelhof and ripped a right-footer from the center of the box into the back of the net to give Houston (4-3-3) a 3-2 lead in the 74th minute.

[ MORE: Man Utd youngster gets USMNT call-up ]

The Dynamo’s Romell Quioto opened the scoring in the fourth, running onto a long through ball from Tomas Martinez and rolling the finish past sliding goalkeeper Richard Sanchez. Nemanja Nikolic tied it in the 14th minute and then fed Diego Campos for a goal about two minutes later. Elis converted from the spot to make it 2-2 early in the second half after Mauro Manotas drew a foul in the area conceded by Sanchez.

Chicago (3-6-2) has lost three of its last four games.

 

Inter Milan back in the Champions League after late heroics (video)

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It’s been more than a half-decade since Inter Milan qualified for the UEFA Champions League, an infamous run that ended on Sunday.

Inter scored twice in the final 13 minutes to beat fifth-place Lazio and advance into the Top Four via head-to-head record.

[ MORE: Man Utd youngster gets USMNT call-up ]

Lazio held 1-0 and 2-1 leads, but could not get the job done at home, collecting red cards in the 79th minute and stoppage time.

Uruguayan midfielder Matias Vecino scored his third goal of the season, redirecting a corner kick home in the 81st minute, as Inter clinched fourth place in Serie A.