Wow, we’re back. That was quick, wasn’t it?
As we kiss Matchweek 25 on the cheek and welcome big #26 into our lives, here’s a quick picks piece wherein I redeem my title as worse predictor of Premier League matches in the history of the entire world.
West Ham United v. Norwich City (Tue 2:45 ET; Upton Park)
15th place against 16th place with both clubs just two points free of the relegation zone? We’ve got ourselves a 6 pointer, ladies and gentlemen!
Delia Smith is a saint!
West Ham 1 Norwich City 2
Cardiff City v. Aston Villa (Tue 2:45 ET; Cardiff City Stadium)
That South Wales derby went down like smack to the bare bottom for Cardiff City. Tough to say how the Bluebirds will react to it, what with all the new faces and all.
I, for one, expect big things from Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.
Cardiff City 1 Aston Villa 1
SQUEAKY BUM TIME
Hull City v. Southampton (Tue 2:45 ET; The KC Stadium)
Hull had a rough go of it for awhile there but generally have that feel of a club no one wants to face. Fortunately for Southampton, the Saints are quite good under those circumstances.
Hull City 1 Southampton 2
West Bromwich Albion v. Chelsea (Tue 3:00 ET; The Hawthorns)
The Albion are weird. Likely to do something like hold Chelsea to 1-1 until five minutes left in the match and then, well, you know…
Freakin’ Hazard, man.
West Brom 1 Chelsea 2
Arsenal v. Manchester United (Wed 2:45 ET; Emirates Stadium)
Everyone’s talking about Arsenal’s difficult stretch over the next week – United on Wednesday, Liverpool on Sunday and Bayern Munich next Wednesday.
Someone remind me why United is being included under the “difficult” label?
Quick reminder, they’re crap.
Sounds harsh but it’s true. Five losses already in 2014? Soon to be six.
Arsenal 3 Manchester United 2
Stoke City v. Swansea City (Wed 2:45 ET; Britannia Stadium)
Has anybody besides me actually watched Stoke lately?
Yeah, they still default into their infamous dirty style from time to time but for the most part, they’re actually pretty good.
More effective than Swansea, that’s for sure.
Stoke City 2 Swansea City 1
Everton v. Crystal Palace (Wed 2:45 ET; Goodison Park)
Is Everton the Arsenal of the early 2000s?
Sure feels like it to me. Dominating games in possession and now, whenever they lose or drop points, players and manager alike seem content with having “controlled the game.”
Sorry, fellas, but to everyone aside from Arsene Wenger, “controlling the game” doesn’t mean squat.
Everton need to go ahead and comprehensively beat a lesser club and then we can discuss those European aspirations that are fast turning to pie in the sky.
Everton 3 Crystal Palace 0
Manchester City v. Sunderland (Wed 2:45 ET; Etihad Stadium)
Who brain farts harder than Wes Brown?
I mean, three minutes into the match and you slide tackle someone from behind when he’s clear through on net?!
Sorry but that’s such a donkey move — especially for a 34-year old player who had already seen red twice this season before last weekend.
Not that Wes is going to make a difference in this one. City at the Etihad. ‘Nuff said.
Manchester City 5 Sunderland 1
Newcastle United v. Tottenham Hotspur (Wed 2:45 ET; St James’ Park)
Normally I’d have Newcastle giving Spurs a tough one here but losing Cabaye (and Joe Kinnear, jk) has ruined the Magpies.
Newcastle 0 Tottenham 2
Fulham v. Liverpool (Wed 3:00 ET; Craven Cottage)
Sooo now that Liverpool are title contenders, I guess that makes this a must-win?
But as I wrote earlier in my piece on Brendan Rodgers, if the Reds are to have any chance at the title, they can’t mess things up against crap competition.
Fulham 1 Liverpool 4