That report on FIFA’s World Cup bribery scandal? You won’t see it

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If a 350-page report covering 200,000 pages worth of material is never read by anyone but FIFA, can it make a sound?

BBC chief sports correspondant Dan Roan says the investigation done by lawyer Michael Garcia included interviews with 75 witnesses and included more than 200,000 pages of material, yielding a 350-page report that’s now been delivered to FIFA.

Now the report has hit the desk of FIFA’s “ethics judge” (though you’re unlikely to ever lay eyes on it). Feel free to commence chuckling, but both Garcia and judge Hans-Joachim Eckert were both appointed to their roles in 2012 to combat issues just like these.

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The awarding of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar has been called “a brilliant mistake”,  while myriad human rights issues have clouded the decision to give Russia the 2018 tournament.

Oh, and there’s that whole bribery thing. We could legitimately have a category on this site devoted to the term “bribery”.

Now prepare yourself for 200,000 pages of material, 75 witnesses and a 350-page report that expose… that everything was done by the book and the World Cups are staying in their originally-awarded locations (that’s how bribes work, you know). What do you expect to come from this? Surely FIFA is defiant enough to stick with the locations, but will any punishments be doled out? Jobs be removed.

You could certainly envision a couple of people fired for their actions but FIFA to deem that “too much preparation has already been done to strip the World Cup from Russia or Qatar.”