Swiss goalkeeper drinks urine, considering law suit against pranksters

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FC Muri goalkeeper Reto Felder was just minding his 18-yard box, snaring errant crosses, parrying tough shots and distributing the ball to his Swiss first division teammates when a thought occurred to him.

“Man, I’m thirsty.”

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So, of course, he went for his trusty water bottle. And this is where things went awry.

From The Guardian:

A Swiss goalkeeper is considering legal action against supporters who urinated in his water bottle during a recent match in the Swiss first division. The incident took place during FC Muri’s game at Baden at the weekend and the 34-year-old Reto Felder says he is “still feeling sick”.

“I have never experienced anything like it, said Felder of the fans, who also shouted “now you will get AIDS”. “That is just primitive filth,” he said. “I took one sip and realised that it was warm but thought that it was because of the sun. But by the second sip I realised that something was wrong.”

First, and most important question: How did it take two sips?

The rest of the questions spread like wildfire: How was this caper achieved? Was a security guard in on the act? Was an identical water bottle substituted? Was the urinating done on the field or in the stands? What did Reto Felder (who should play right field if he ever plays baseball) ever do to get AIDS catcalls in addition to the ol’ urine bottle trick?

It’s horrifying, disgusting and the fans should be banned for life. Let’s make that clear amongst the smirks, chortles and gags. And then there’s this quote from Felder:

“The mere thought of drinking #%$% is unbearable. What if, the next time, it is something that knocks you out?”

Fair point to consider as you picture the noise Harland Williams makes in “Dumb and Dumber”.