Cristiano Ronaldo will break all Madrid’s records and retire there, says agent

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Fly as many banners and wave as many bank notes as you like, but Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t going to end up at Manchester United, Paris Saint-Germain, MLS or Sporting Lisbon.

He’s not going home, “home” or anywhere else; And the sky is no longer the limit now that the Portuguese superstar can levitate a ball with his mind (pictured) is going to keep getting better until he’s 40 (!!!) and then retire a member of Real Madrid.

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Or so his agent Jorge Mendes says.

From the BBC:

“Cristiano is very happy at Real Madrid. He is going to break all the records and will retire there.”

He told Spanish radio station Cadena COPE:  “You will never find another player like him.

“He is getting better and will keep getting better until the age of 40.

“He has an affection for United because his heart was there for six years. But now all he thinks of is Real Madrid and he will always be here.

As for Mendes quote that it’s “impossible to find anyone like him in sporting history”, perhaps that is because of his devastating good looks. There have been plenty of prolific strikers and playmakers and, while he’s likely close to — if not in — the discussion of best players of all-time, he’s not even widely-considered as easy choice as best player of his era.

Ronaldo does have the best goal Real Madrid goal ratio of any of its top scorers. His 1.05 goals per match is better than club legends Ferenc Puskas, Alfredo Di Stefano and Hugo Sanchez (Though Puskas was 31, Di Stefano and Sanchez both 27 in the years they arrived at Madrid. Ronaldo was 24).

Ronaldo is “only” 54 goals away from Raul’s record for most goals scored while at Real Madrid. Raul was at Madrid for 16 seasons.

In any event, agent talk is agent talk. And it’s easy to forget that part of Mendes’ job is to make as much money as possible, both for himself and Ronaldo. In perception, the more difficult it is to pry his Madrid-hugging body from the Bernabeu, the more money it’ll cost PSG or the Red Devils.

In any event, he’s going to keep getting better until he’s 40, which would be the greatest scientific outlier ever. If CR7 is in his prime at 40, he’ll be a nuttier story than George Blanda, Ron Francis and John Tavares (the lacrosse player) combined.

Not that we’re ruling it out. He is Cristiano Ronaldo, after all.