Free-agent Dutch midfielder Demy de Zeeuw is using LinkedIn to find a new club

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“New club: Me 31 years FREE player, clubs AZ Alkmaar, AJAX Amsterdam, Spartak Moscow and RSC Anderlecht 3x Champions 2 cups all different teams”

If you were to take the above introduction and, in place of the various soccer clubs listed, rattle off a handful of vague, desirable human qualities, you’d have the structure for a decent singles ad fit for the Sunday morning classifieds section of your local small-town newspaper.

Instead, what you read above is the opening to the very low-budget (read: free of charge) advertisement of Dutch midfielder Demy de Zeeuw, currently a free agent after leaving Spartak Moscow in June 2014, which can be found on the business networking website LinkedIn.

The 31-year-old once scored 11 goals in a season (Ajax, 2009-10), so there’s surely a decent player in there somewhere that someone — anyone — somewhere in this massive soccer world could use. However, he is said to be a bit of a pain in the rear as he was criticized by former Anderlecht manager John van den Brom for having a poor attitude.

While De Zeeuw should certainly be applauded for his initiative and dedication to his craft, a simple advertisement on LinkedIn doesn’t even hold a candle to Owen Hargreaves’ YouTube workout tape audition of 2011, which can be watch again in all its glory, here and here.