MLS roundup: Red Bulls hammer Revs; Union, Impact, Fire get big upset wins

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Another Saturday of Major League Soccer action has come and gone, and what do you know, it was an absolutely bonkers night of results.

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Serious question: at what point does the ridiculousness of MLS results stop being surprising and simply becoming the accepted norm? If we’d yet to reach that point before Saturday night, perhaps this was it.

New York Red Bulls 4-1 New England Revolution

Blitzkrieg — that’s what the Red Bulls did to the Revolution in the opening 12 minutes. Three goals in 12 minutes, and this one was done and dusted. This made it five straight losses for the Revs, who continue to tumble down the Eastern Conference standings all the way to fifth place, where they currently sit. Meanwhile, the Red Bulls are up to second, a whopping nine points behind leaders D.C. United. | FULL RECAP WITH HIGHLIGHTS

Philadelphia Union 3-0 Portland Timbers

Vincent Nogueira bagged a brace and Andrew Wenger scored his first goal of the season, as the Union extended their unbeaten run to three games (two wins, one draw). Wenger’s opener didn’t come until the 69th minute, but once it did, the floodgates were open and the Union didn’t look back. Cristian Maidana picked up the rare hat trick of assists, setting up all three goals. For the Timbers, it was just their second loss in eight league games.

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Montreal Impact 3-0 Columbus Crew SC

Dominic Oduro bagged a brace of his own, scoring either side of Marco Donadel’s absolute rocket from more than 25 yards out (WATCH HERE, PLEASE). Oduro’s first and Donadel’s rocket both came inside the first 10 minutes. Crew SC remain winless on away from home this season and fail to win back to back games for the first time since April. The Impact creep up to eighth in the Eastern Conference, while Crew SC fall from second to fourth with the three-goal defeat.

Chicago Fire 1-0 Seattle Sounders

The Sounders were a matter of minutes — perhaps seconds, even — from a respectable road draw without the likes of Clint Dempsey and Obafemi Martins, but Jason Johnson had other ideas when he cut inside from the right wing and uncorked a rocket inside the far post in the 92nd minute. The victory ends a five-game winless run for the Fire, while the Sounders lose for the fourth time in five games, but still remain atop the Western Conference.

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Colorado Rapids 3-1 Real Salt Lake

Zero goals for 78 minutes, followed by four goals in the game’s final 18 minutes — that’s what the Rapids and RSL did on Saturday night. Sebastian Jaime scored the opener for RSL, but was sent off five minutes later. By that point, Drew Moor had already equalized for the Rapids, who then got goals in the 91st and 97th from Jared Watts and Juan Ramirez, respectively. Just two points now separate the two sides in the Western Conference, in ninth and tenth place.

Orlando City SC 0-2 FC Dallas

Without five key players on Saturday night, Orlando City struggled from minute 1 to minute 90 as FC Dallas won their third straight, at the Citrus Bowl. Mauro Diaz scored from the penalty spot in the first half and David Texeira put the game out of reach halfway into the second half. OCSC actually climbed a spot in the standings, up to third in the East, due to Crew SC’s greater margin of defeat, while FCD leapfrog the LA Galaxy and Timbers from fifth to third in the West. | FULL RECAP WITH HIGHLIGHTS