The game in 100 words (or less): The streets of New York City run red with blood tonight … or something along those seriously outlandish lines. The New York Red Bulls have been anything but great — good, even — in 2016, so what must that make New York City FC following Saturday’s 7-0 (that’s not a typo) embarrassment at Yankee Stadium? No longer the leaders of the Eastern Conference, for starters (the Philadelphia Union claimed the top spot Friday night). Beyond that, at least they got rid of Jason Kreis, who was the real problem in 2015. Anyway, Dax McCarty and Bradley Wright-Phillips bagged a brace each, effectively ending the game just before the stroke of halftime. Throughout the entirety of the second half, chants of “Who’s Your Daddy” and “You can’t beat us” rained down from the upper deck of Yankee Stadium, where a massive swarm of red-clad away supporters partied like it was 2015 all over again. As they partied, their boys just kept scoring goals and scoring goals and scoring goals.
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Three Four Five Six Seven moments that mattered
4′ — McCarty heads home for a very early lead — McCarty is listed at 5-feet-9-inches tall, but that seems extremely generous. 6-foot-5 Kendall Waston, MLS’s most aggressive aerial duelist, would be proud of this header.
42′ — Grella breaks ankles, sets BWP up for 2-0 — Mike Grella needs his own YouTube mixtape after this one (and a number of others over the last 18 months). By the way, that’s Claudio Bravo you see turning to jello right before your eyes.
45+2′ — BWP rides his back all the way to 3-0 — Nothing much to say. Just watch and enjoy (and wonder what in the world Josh Saunders was doing, maybe).
51′ — NYCFC don’t learn, Dax heads another for 4-0 — NYCFC’s fans booed them off the field at halftime. What might they do at full time?
56′ — Muyl curls home his first MLS goal for 5-0 — Something called an “Alex Muyl” scored the Red Bulls’ fifth goal.
83′ — Veron heads home from the doorstep, makes it 6-0 — Have you ever seen an easier header?
89′ — Gideon Baah gets a goal of his own — Another set piece, another Red Bulls goal. Whaddya know?!
Man of the match: Dax McCarty
Goalscorers: McCarty (4′, 51′), Wright-Phillips (42′, 45+2′), Muyl (56′), Veron (83′), Baah (89′)